Kickin' it with The Kadzban's: Lukas Ryan Kadzban.

So....

On Thursday, October 27th at exactly 12:01 pm, Mike and I welcomed Lukas Ryan into this world. He weighed 7 lbs, 4oz and was 20 inches long. Every inch, every ounce is pure perfection.

Thank you, Lord.

That Thursday morning started out almost like any other. Mike, Liana, and I got up, got showered and got dressed. I was too busy running around the house to feel the anxiety creeping up on me. My parents arrived at 8:45 that morning to pick up Liana as she was going to spend the morning and afternoon with them while her Daddy and I welcomed little Lukas into this world. Saying goodbye that morning was terrifying and exciting all at the same time.... terrifying because her mama was about to have surgery and exciting because her brother was about to officially enter our lives. I kissed my sweet girl goodbye and five minutes later, Mike and I were on the road ourselves.

As we drove, the anxiety slowly started increasing.

We arrived at the hospital to answer a barrage of questions like, "Are you having contractions? Did your water break?" to which I ironically answered with "No". After a minute or so of questioning by the triage nurse, I explained that I was there for a scheduled c-section. They had me sit down and five minutes later, I was being escorted back to Labor and Delivery for surgical prep.

I stripped down to my gown and my nurse entered. She placed the monitors on my belly and within minutes said, "Do you know you're having contractions? They're 10 minutes apart."

Obviously, I hadn't known... but this was music to my ears. One of my biggest disappointments all along in deciding to have a c-section was knowing that I was choosing my baby's birth date rather than let my body or my baby choose which day was best. Upon hearing that I was contracting, my heart felt more at ease.... this baby would've been coming soon anyways. I sighed with pure relief.

Well, for a moment.

Over the next hour and a half, the nurses prepared me for what was still to come. Before I knew it though, it was 11 am.... just 30 minutes before my surgery was scheduled to begin. It was at that point that the nerves hit hard.

I was scared of so many things.... being cut open, getting the spinal block, what our son would feel and think as Dr. LaGrand pulled him out of his home for the past 9 months, the recovery, and whether or not something might go wrong.

I asked for an anti-anxiety med but for whatever reason, the anesthesiologist didn't want to give it to me. So instead, I just tried to breathe... and not cry.

At 11:38, they walked me back to the O.R.

In all honesty, that room was one of the scariest aspects to my day. So white, so cold (both figuratively and literally), so uninviting. I had three doctors, four nurses, an anesthesiologist and a couple of surgical techs all standing around me with gowns and masks on. They sat me on the operating table and within minutes, the anesthesiologist was putting my spinal block in place while her nurse stood in front of me, holding me and talking me through it. It was there that I lost it.

Because Mike wasn't allowed to enter the O.R. until 15 minutes after I had done so, the anesthesiologist comforted me as she stood at the head of my operating table. While she had initially seemed as cold as that operating room itself, I was so grateful to have her by my side until Mike arrived. By the time he finally did, I was drowning in silent tears. Also by the time he entered, Dr. LaGrand had already made his incision.

Mike sat at the head of my operating table, holding my hand, for only a few minutes before Dr. LaGrand announced, "Are we ready to have a baby?"

And then he stood, just in time to watch Lukas be born.

I couldn't see Lukas but the moment I heard his cries, every ounce of fear washed away from me. I watched my husband's expression as he laid eyes on his son for the first time and I began to bawl.

I reassured everyone in the room that these were tears of joy, not tears of pain, fear, or sorrow.

Lukas' nurse laid him on the warming table and cleaned him up. Unfortunately, I couldn't see him during this part as the blue curtain that prevented me from seeing the surgery had gotten bumped and was now at an angle... an angle that kept Lukas just out of my sight. But I could hear him and I could see Mike and frankly, that was all that mattered in that moment. Mike went to his side and tried to calm our wailing baby boy as the nurse cleaned him up and then, she placed Lukas into his arms. So quickly, Lukas went quiet. He knew he was in good hands and so did I.

Despite the fact that this child grew inside me for nine months and I felt him move often... very, very often... reality didn't hit me until the first moment I laid my eyes on him. All I could think was, "Wow, there he is. My baby boy. He really is real and he really is mine."

I didn't hold Lukas for nearly 45 minutes after he was born. Not because I couldn't but because I didn't feel physically ready. Like I said before though, my heart was okay with that as I knew he was in the loving and very capable hands of his daddy. His daddy who was obviously so ready himself to meet this little boy and so joyful over finally doing so.

The rest of Lukas' birth day is quite the blur. I remember calling my mom as soon as I had Lukas in my arms and the nurses left me alone for a short while. I remember hearing her on the other end, crying the minute she realized it was me on the phone. I remember Mike sending out a text announcing Lukas' birth and the constant beeps of return texts saying "Congratulations!!".

I remember the moment my parents arrived at my hospital room and walked Liana in to meet her baby brother. I remember the concern that came across her face as she saw me sitting in a hospital bed, unable to move much. She was enamored with her "baby brother" from the start.... the baby brother she named, in fact. Had it not been for Liana, Lukas could have been a Jacob but she was persistent and each time she was asked which name she preferred, she answered the same.... "Lukas". And so it was, Lukas Ryan Kadzban.

From the moment he was born, Lukas has been nothing short of a miracle in our lives. He feels like the missing puzzle piece to our family... a piece I was desperately hoping to find ever since I received this email almost one year ago.

My heart is overflowing with joy. Not only because Lukas has helped further heal my own heart and brought even more love into my life, but because I see the love his daddy and sister have for him too.

Lukas Ryan is now ten days old. Honestly, the time already feels like it's racing by. It feels like forever ago that I was huge and pregnant when in fact it was only two weeks ago. He's an amazing baby that has melted so perfectly into our lives and made it better... happier... fuller. His temperament is sweet and mild-mannered... unless your changing his clothes or his diaper, of course! Breastfeeding is going exceptionally well this time around which is a drastic change from what I experienced with Liana.

Life as four does have its challenges, but life as four is everything we had hoped it would be. And more.

Lukas Ryan, I cannot wait to watch you grow. Your sister may have started me on this journey through motherhood... but I can't wait to see how you continue it.