Leaving on a jet plane.

This week is big. Very big.

Wednesday night Mike and I are making the drive to Detroit before stepping foot onto an airplane Thursday morning, with "Destination Jamaica" on our minds.

We've never been on a trip like this before. For our honeymoon, we drove 12 hours and stayed in NYC for a few days bc we couldn't afford a "real" honeymoon. The only other trip we've been on together was with my family in tow, so obviously that wasn't the most romantic of vacations ever. :)

I'm excited to spend 6 days laying in the Jamaican sun, surrounded by many of our closest friends (as the reason for this trip is our friend's destination wedding). I'm excited to sleep soundly at night without worrying if my little pumkin is going to wake me up at 2:30 am. I'm excited to let loose, get tan, and relax after 2 very long weeks of work for both Mike and I. I'm excited to spend a week hanging with my best and talking about all the ridiculous things we usually talk about (like the nature of bunny rabbits..perfectly Easter appropriate, right Mo?!). I'm excited to do things I've never done before and make memories with my husband. I'm excited to be spoiled rotten by resort staff and be waited on hand and foot for 6 whole days. I'm just excited!!

But, there's one thing I'm NOT excited about....

 

Leaving this beautiful face behind.

I've never had so much anxiety in my life. Because I'm a control freak, the wills are done and notarized (or will be as of 3pm today). The scariest thought a mother can experience is the thought of losing her child, or her child losing her. That thought has been on my mind for weeks as I've anxiously prepared for this trip. I won't lie... I've been scared to death to go. I've had moments where I told Mike I was staying home bc I can't imagine going a week without seeing her sweet face and kissing those little cheeks. My arms are going to ache while I'm gone because I know I'll miss holding her little 20 lb body in them. I know that at least once, I'll cry myself to sleep at night. And I already plan to steal the blanket she's been sleeping with and take it with me so I have something to hold of her's every night.

I know that I'll have times during the week that are tough and I pray that my friends are patient with me and my emotions during those moments. After all, a big piece of my heart will be thousands of miles away.

The biggest fear is "What If?". What if our plane doesn't make it? Ridiculous, I know but any parent understands this fear. The possibility that Liana could lose both of her parents makes me weak in the knees. But, I try to remind myself that I'm more likely to die in a car accident on my way to work than I am to die in a plane crash. And knowing that things are settled in case something were to happen, well, that gives me peace of mind. With peace of mind comes the ability to relax and enjoy myself.

Thank you, peace of mind. My vacation (and my husband) appreciates you.
So, the next time I update, it'll be with lots of joyful pictures. Pictures of our first "real" vacation together. Pictures of the little face I missed so much. And lots of sappy words in the mix of all those pictures.

Bon Voyage! Wish us luck and pray for safe travels! :)

Favorite days.

It's official: March 24th is my favorite day of the year. 

Thanksgiving comes in 2nd, July 1st comes in 3rd, Christmas comes in 4th, and July 4th comes in last (but certainly not least).

Today, my heart is beaming.... just as it was one year ago today, the day Liana Grace finally entered our world and left my belly.

 

Where has the year gone? It's flown by in the blink of an eye... something I was prepared for but didn't fully believe until this past weekend.

These past 12 months have changed my heart. My world. I've never felt happier than I do when I look into Liana's eyes or push her wispy blonde hair out of them. I've never felt like my life had more purpose. Rocking her to sleep at night brings a closure to my day that I never knew I needed but now can't live without. Singing "You are my Sunshine" never meant so much and the words never seemed so literal. Thanking God for my blessings in life never came from a deeper place in my heart than it does now and begging God to keep my family happy and healthy never brought me to my knees like it does now. It's no longer just a prayer - it's a plea.

 

I can't imagine what my life would be like without my little girl. She's too ingrained in it to go back now. I've never driven so quickly to get home at the end of the day (shhh.... don't tell Mike. Or the Michigan State Police.) because walking around that corner in the kitchen and having her see me and squeal and flash a smile as big as her cheeks will allow melts me to my core. While there are days I'd kill to accomplish a few errands or get things done without a baby.... errr, toddler... in tow, when it comes down to it, I usually choose to take her along with me or not go at all. My moments with her are too precious and my heart can't seem to leave her behind.

 

And each time I do, I miss her a ridiculous amount. Whether I'm gone for an hour or 10, I miss her every minute I'm away. I think of her constantly. I wonder what she's doing and if she's having fun. I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her. And when people see my binder while I'm working (the one that's adorned with her photos), I show them my little girl with pride.

 

 

In just a matter of 52 weeks, my life has been turned upside down in the best way possible. 

There were things I thought I knew in life that I've now realized I knew nothing about. 

There were parts of me I thought would never change that have. The person I once thought I was no longer exists.... and I wouldn't take her back for anything.

This past weekend we celebrated Liana's 1st birthday with our closest friends and family. 

While preparing for the party, I made a slideshow of Liana's 1st year set to some of my favorite songs that remind me of her. (I'd upload it, but it's 25 minutes long and it'd take me hours. Sorry!) While doing so I couldn't get over one thing: I barely remember the baby she came home from the hospital as. Those first few days and weeks were such a blur and while I tried to pay better attention during the summer, even those months are a blur. But you know, it's not because I wasn't paying attention.... it's because during those first 6 months, Liana changed every day. She still changes every day. But these days, I go into her room each morning and find a closer version to the baby I put to bed the night before than I did those first few months. I see pictures of her at 2 days, 2 weeks, 12 weeks and say "Who is that baby?! Did I know her?!" Yes, I did. But she's not the same little girl I know and love now. 

This little girl is so much more.

 

More fun. More smiley. More entertaining. More independent. More giggly. More lovey. More excitable. More adventurous. More mobile.

She's more of a big girl and less of a baby. She captivates me these days.... watching her explore her world and take everything in fills me with joy.

Kate forewarned me on Saturday that the night before Liana's birthday would be an emotional one. But for me, the emotions were there on Saturday night and Sunday instead. 

Today, I'm happy. Saturday, as I rocked her to sleep after a long day of celebrating, I cried. 

Actually, I wept as quietly as I could so I wouldn't upset an almost-asleep baby.

For me, the emotions came from the fact that my "baby" was now my "toddler". It has occurred to me before but I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that with each day that passes, Liana becomes more independent of me. I miss the days when we were all she needed. I also couldn't get past the fact that the little girl I brought home from the hospital was now so different and had grown so quickly. For a brief second, I looked up from holding her and saw an 8 year old Liana standing in front of me. I'm not ready for my little girl to grow up yet!!!

But, such is life. And while I wish she could stay 11 months and 4 weeks forever (because in all truthfulness, I love the age she's at now.... even if it is, ahem, a full year old), I know that even better times are to come. I can't tell you how excited I am for this summer when we're able to go to the zoo and walk together, holding hands. Or go to the park and swing. Or go to the beach and play in the sand. Just as 12 months is wonderful and full of excitement and adventure, I know that's only going to get better at 18 months, 2 years, 3 years, etc. My heart soars when it thinks of the adventures we'll share and the memories we'll make.

She's my little buddy. My favorite little person in the whole wide world. And trust me, she knows it. :)

 

On Sunday morning, I couldn't get myself to leave the house for work. I told Mike, "All I want to do is throw on a hoodie and snuggle with Liana all day." But, work was calling... no, screaming... my name. On my drive downtown I called my mom. And as I tearfully explained to her my reaction the night before ("Mom, I'm not ready for my baby to be one yet!"), I suddenly related to her in a way I hadn't expected to. She told me that as the years pass, the time goes faster and faster. She told me that she remembers my first birthday party like it was just yesterday. (Not what I wanted to hear, but something I needed to hear.)  And she reassured me that better days are still to come.

My mom, without actually having to say so, told me to stop being a sissy and soak this time up.

And I listened.

So today, on Liana's first birthday, I'm soaking her dry. She's drowning in kisses and cuddles (the ones she'll actually let me have). She's getting spoiled rotten. I'm digging her giggles and smiles. And we're both loving every moment of it.

So yes, March 24th is my new favorite day. I know that I'll have other dates to add to that list someday that will tie it for 1st place (as no "good mommy" has a favorite child!), but for now, it's #1 all by itself. March 24th is the day my world became more joyful, the day Liana was born. And for the rest of my life, it's a day I'll celebrate as "The day that changed everything".

Before leaving my page, check the "birthday ticker" at the top of the page. I noticed it today too.... just one more thing to make this mama's heart smile.

Happy 1st Birthday Liana Grace! I love you to the moon and back!

Happy March!

I love March.

It has everything to do with the fact that during this month, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. And that in this month, spring arrives. Things turn from white to green, flowers start to bud, and the sun begins to shine again. People emerge from their winter hibernation and are cheerful because finally, finally, the air isn't frigid and the sun makes life easier.

Yes, I love March. It's a great month.

But not nearly as much as I love this little girl.

  

(drool and all!)

My heart aches for her when she's away from me.... which she is tonight, as she's staying with her Nana and Papa because her mommy and daddy are both working tomorrow.

I love her in a way I never thought possible. She's the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me.

That's all for now. Just wanted to share. :)