Eleven Months (and one day).

Lukas turned 11 months old yesterday.

How is my baby boy almost one already? Where has this past year gone?

Well, for starters, time flies when you've been sleep deprived and are trying to muster your way through the day, every day. I am incredibly guilty of not soaking every minute of Lukas up over the past few months... we've had a lot going on around here. Though that doesn't make me feel any less guilty about it.

But at eleven months, here's where our little boy stands:

• He's 23 lbs. In comparison, Liana, at age 3.5, weighs 31 lbs. We've got a solid little guy on our hands!
• He's walking! Mike and I watched as he took his first real steps on September 8th and since then, he just keeps getting better and better at it. (Obviously.) He's now walking more than crawling but sometimes when he just wants to get somewhere really fast (like to steal his sisters most adored toy), he'll throw himself down on the floor and get those knees moving. I'm not ready to lose the crawling yet... I just love it too much.
• He FINALLY started sleeping through the night about two weeks ago. Yes, seriously. And even now, it's not consistent. Some weeks are good and we'll get a few nights in a row of STTN but then others aren't so good and we'll get our wake-up call around 3 am or 5 am. Teething never helps any.
• The kid eats like there's no tomorrow. He now eats just about everything we eat. Meat, cooked veggies, all kinds of fruit, eggs, fruit bars, pizza, and his absolute favorite, turkey/hot dogs. We can't get the food in front enough fast enough and he literally shovels it into his mouth. He has now mastered the art of a sippy cup and likes water and loves real milk. I gave him milk for the first time about a week ago and while chugging it down he looked at me like, "What?! You've been keeping this deliciousness from me all this time?! How could you mama?!" He gets three square meals a day and maybe a snack or two in the middle. I'm pretty confident that this is the reason he's finally STTN. I also find it sad that my 11 month old probably eats more in one meal than my 3.5 year old eats all day. Hmmmm... maybe that's why she's so stinking skinny?! (Side note... I came home yesterday to find her in a pair of her brother's 12 month pants. No joke.)
• He LOVES the water. The kids have been getting pretty messy around here lately and as I'm a little freakish about putting clean kids into clean beds at night, bathtime has become a daily thing. The very moment I start running the water for their bath, Lukas is right there and doing everything he can to get into the tub. Once he's in, he loves to splash and chew on his tub toys and I think he'd stay in there for an hour if I let him. I've found that if I take Liana out of the bath first, the tantrum that ensues is minimal compared to the one when he comes out first.
• He LOVES being outside. Going for a walk is calming to him and the one thing that makes him happy when it seems like nothing else will. I've also noticed that he just likes to soak the surroundings in... checking out the movement of things (cars, trees, birds, people, etc) and I think the fresh air makes him happier. If he's in our arms while we go to the door to let the dogs out but we don't go outside ourselves, he makes it known that this is quite displeasing to him. And if we're outside and he's not ready to come in, we again are reminded of that unhappiness. Thankfully, my dad (who we're currently living across the street from) loves to sit outside with Lukas and take him for lots of walks. I'm just not so sure how this will all play out once winter rolls around....
• He gets pushed around (literally) by his sister. A lot. This makes for a sad baby and a sad mama. His cry is different when Liana is mean to him and I am just waiting for the day when he starts retaliating against her. I'm pretty sure Mike and I are going to have our hands full with these two so who needs a third?! ;)
• He's curious and constantly getting into trouble. The cabinets here aren't baby proofed yet... I had hoped I wouldn't need to but I caved and bought latches this week... and I have to clear the tupperware from my floor at least once a day. He loves going after the dog bowls or trying to escape through the "doggie door" to the back yard. Changing his diaper tests your core strength as you have to PIN him down to get one on him. Nothing is safe when Lukas is around. Nothing.
• His first word has been "mama" and now he's working on perfecting "daddy". We're also pretty sure that he's been saying "iana". He can wave bye-bye and also verbalizes "uh oh".
• I have yet to be blessed with a snuggly baby. Guess he's just too busy to cozy up to his mama (unless she has a bottle in her hand). ::Sigh::
• At eleven months, he's now wearing a size 5 toddler shoe and 18 month clothing.
• We're up to TEN teeth now! After a runny nose this week and lots of fussing, I knew something was making its way through those gums of his... come to find out, he's got two of his molars halfway through already! Just like his sister, I predict all of those baby teeth will be in by his second birthday if not well before then.
• Bedtime is between 7 & 8p and he wakes between 7 & 8 am. We're down to one nap a day most days, usually beginning anywhere between 11 and 12 and lasting 2 hours (longer if I can keep things REALLY quiet around the house).

I have to say, Lukas lights up my world. He definitely hasn't been the easiest baby... he's temperamental, impatient, and needy... but this kid owns my heart. I absolutely adore him and I love being his mama. While I always wanted all girls and never wanted any boys, now that he's here I just can't imagine my life without him in it. He brings more adventure to my life, more fullness and there's just something different about having a girl and having a boy. I love my children equally but I also love them differently. I can't explain why or how but it's the truth. I guess I just love that they each bring different traits to the table every day.

Eleven months are behind us as a family of four. I can't believe that in 29 days, my baby boy will be ONE.

Happy almost-birthday, little man. You rock our world in so many different ways and we love you for each and every one of them. :)



10.25.12



Where does the time go?

I know, I know.... I'm a bad little blogger.

Honestly, I don't know how mothers of multiple children find the time to keep these things up. When it was just Liana I was able to write during naptime or after bedtime. But since Lukas has come along, I don't get much down time during the day (let alone an hour, which is what it usually takes me to get my thoughts out!) and by the end of it, I'm too exhausted to think. But yet, I don't want to give this up. It's one of my many ways of keeping track of all the places this life has taken us as a family and there's great value in that.

This past week has been an emotional one for me. One full of confusion and regret. Because I realized this week that the past year seems to have slipped by me. In the chaos of this crazy life of ours, I feel like I've failed to "take it all in". My guilt especially plagues me when it comes to Lukas but even with Liana a bit too.

I was always told that things are drastically different with your second child but oh how I underestimated that. I realized this week that I haven't taken pictures or videos of Lukas like I took with Liana. I've missed moments that I can't get back. Granted, I succeeded at getting the "biggies" such as him rolling over, starting solids, crawling and then walking. But for every moment I've caught, there are a hundred I didn't. Now I know I shouldn't place too much guilt on myself because realistically, I can't capture everything. But I just don't feel like I've done enough for him. I wonder if I'm going to look back some day and wonder what else I missed. And because I've been so caught up in the chaos of our day-to-day, I know that even more importantly I've forgotten to soak it up. Those moments where he just wants his mommy. Watching him play with his sister. Watching him discover new things in this great big world that he's never known before.

I think it bothers me even more because at this point, we plan on Lukas being our last. And here I was, lost in it all.

With regards to Liana, I have these moments where I look at her and become a little broken-hearted over the fact that my "baby girl" isn't a baby anymore. How did we get to three and a half so quickly? How did we get to having an imagination and abstract thoughts and feelings? How did we get to the point where she's such a little girl?

I just feel like their childhood is just slipping away. And I'm desperate to hold onto it.

While I had been feeling guilty like this for a while, it came crashing home this week during one of my visits. In that visit, I listened to the husband of my patient mourn over how he "just needs more time" as it "just gets away from you."

I just don't want it to get away from me. I wish I could slow things down. Completely absorb every single minute of every single day. I look at my kids and wish I could pause that moment in time and place it in a box to keep so that I can look back on it later and re-experience that exact moment, that exact detail of what they were like.

Again....I just don't want it to get away from me.

Usually, work is a release for me. Its my chance to get out of the house and be an adult. But last week, it wasn't. I resented being at work because all I really wanted to do was be at home with my kids. To make matters worse, it wasn't a good week anyways. Long days make for a tired mama who desperate as she tries, can't seem to keep things together.

I wish I knew the remedy for this but unfortunately, I know there isn't one. Time continues to pass and my children continue to grow. I know that one day all too soon, I'll be watching my children as they care for their children.

With all of these emotions taking over, I am making an effort to be more present when I'm with my kids. I want to be the mom they deserve. And I want to live without regrets of what I "should have" done. I want to capture the memories we make... through blogging, through video, through pictures. Because after the time has passed, I want to be able to look back and remember so vividly what this time in my life was like. What they were like whether it be at one, two, five or ten.

So here I am, hoping to be better. Mom's often sacrifice their own needs for that of their family's and I admit, I'm a guilty party. I do feel confident in saying, though, that this act of selfishness isn't just going to benefit me but should benefit the rest of my family as well. :)