Soaking it up.

Yesterday was simply... amazing. Full of love, smiles, and enjoyment.

It was drenched in time as a family... just the three of us. And, I loved every.single.second of it.

Our first family day since, well, I don't know when was perfect. (Well, aside from me having the worst back pain of my life, but we'll just pretend that never happened. The day seems better that way.)

Honest to God, I don't know when the last day we had together like this was. Despite the fact that I've taken a few days off on the weekends for Liana's 1st birthday party or for Christmas, I'm certain we haven't had a "do whatever we want to do together" day in at least 6 months. If you know my husband and his ridiculous work schedule, you'll know this is true. The man hasn't taken a sick day in over a year and I don't remember the last time he took a day off mid-week. So yeah, this was WELL overdue!

Anyways, here's the magic of our day. I made sure to capture as many moments as possible, in either pictures or words, just to share with all of you :)

The day started off nice and early at 7:15 with our typical alarm clock going off... the awakening squeals of Liana Grace through the baby monitor. Have I ever mentioned how much I love waking up to the sound of her voice rather than some stupid buzzer? It's the perfect start to my day. And even though we can't push "snooze" on this alarm clock, we're just fine with that because walking into her bedroom each morning and seeing the smile on her face (behind the paci, of course) is the best wakeup call there is. I used to hate mornings but now, now I love them. Our mornings are full of hope and promise for the day to come.

So, we got up. Got ready. And while I jumped in the shower, I had my husband there to watch our child. No showering as fast as I possibly could while hoping that our baby-proofed bedroom had contained our child for at least 10 minutes. No having those "OMG, she's being really quiet. What if I go out there and she's found something and choked?!" thoughts running through my head. No, for the first time in a while I was able to shower in solitude AND peace of mind. Bliss. :)

Mike and I tag-teamed the shower and as soon as I was out, he was in. We were both ready and out the door at 9am, prepared to take on the day. We headed out to Holland to shop at the Carters Outlet and get Liana some new outfits for summer as well as some more pjs. Though we had planned on going to breakfast, we last-minute ditched that idea as Mike preferred the idea of grabbing some chinese food on the way home. Liana fell asleep in her car seat right away (the night before had been a late one for her... our power had gone out and she wasn't able to sleep bc it was so warm, so finally Mommy caved and let her go outside to play basketball with the neighbor kids. Pumkin was up til 9:45 and still up at 7:15!) but once we arrived in Holland, the kid perked up immediately. After all, there were ducks (or, as she called them, "Bauers!") to chase after.

So, Mommy shopped while Liana chased ducks and Daddy chased Liana. :)

 

 

And then the pumkin 'declared' that she was tired and wanted to go home. So we headed out, stopping only once more on the way to my favorite baby store of all time, Tip Toes. We picked up the cutest little sandals for our princess and on we went again, heading home. When we arrived, Daddy somehow managed to get Liana from her carseat, where she was again sleeping soundly, to her crib without interrupting the nap. Glorious. We had 2 more hours of nap time and we made the most of it.

 

Naptime for Ms. Liana.

~Daddy making the yard beautiful once again!~

And, in typical Mommy fashion, I took pictures of what my loves were doing during naptime but failed to capture what I did myself. But so you don't feel like you've missed out on any pieces to this "family day" puzzle, I potted my plants on the deck (all the while writhing in back pain) and somehow managed to clean the floors. Well if I'm going to be truthful, I just barely did that second one.

Around 2:45, princess woke up. While I had hoped to take her to the splash pad and play in the fountains, we had dinner plans at 5:30 and I didn't think we'd have enough time to get there, enjoy ourselves, and get back home in time to shower and be ready. So, we made our own splash pad in the front yard, complete with the sprinkler The Kranz's gave Liana for her 1st birthday. The water was brutally cold but still, she loved it!

So we played. I watched my little girl work up the courage to get closer, and closer, and closer to that sprinkler until finally her belly got wet and her hands turned to icicles. But soon the kid realized she wasn't contained and began running down the street and away from her mama, her home, and her sprinkler, so we decided it was time to take the party inside and get ready for our dinner with the Prins'. Baby didn't like that much, but guess what? I'm the mama and I get to decide. (insert evil laugh here)

And from there, I can only say the day got better... though I failed to take any pictures as evidence of the fact. Yep, I suck, I know. We got dressed. Got in the car, and promptly at 5:35 I received a text from Ash saying "Come over!" to which I stalkerishly replied "We're on our way already!". I love that she got a good laugh out of that one but it's like I said to her, we were quite excited to hang out with two of our closest friends for the evening. Dinner was delish and Mike and I both learned that "Juicy Loosey" is another term for "cheeseburger heaven". Liana behaved... unless you count the mass destruction of Ashley's petunia's (sorry Ash!) or the food covering her floor after dinner. Our children of the furry type, Bauer and Moose, I can't say the same for unfortunately. Bauer decided that every.single.one of Ashley's plants was his personal toilet and, well, Moose decided that Fran was his as he abruptly peed on her face and marked his territory. (I could just hear him thinking, "SHE'S MINE!" as he did it too. frickin dogs.) Only my dogs would do this and I really hope it's not a reflection of my parenting... if so, I'm in for some serious trouble in the coming years. But thankfully the Prins' understand the dysfunction that is our dogs and love them (and us) regardless of the fact. We love you too, Erik and Ash and in return, we'll let Fran drench Moose in drool any day. :)

The night closed out with some Catch Phrase and the "hoes" dominated the "bros". I can't believe those boys thought they could compete with the brains of both the Prins and Kadzban operations... we devoured them and their little blonde heads. Liana watched in sheer admiration as her mommy and Mrs. Ashley took daddy and Mr. Erik down. If I taught my daughter nothing else yesterday, at least I know I taught her that girls ARE better than boys. How's that for a mother-daughter pep talk? ;)

After domination, we came home. Liana went to bed for night #3 of no bottle. (Yeah, that's a whole other post). And by 9:30, this mommy was herself in bed. I don't know if it was the delicious Strawberry Pina Coladas, the muscle relaxer (for that crappy back of mine), or the wonderfully long day, but I slept like a baby for 10 straight hours until my Liana alarm went off again right at 7:15.

Yesterday was everything (and more) that I had hoped it would be.

And I caught myself thinking more than once, "This is perfection. If I could have even just one day like this every week, my life would be so much better."

This day as a family proved to me all the more just how badly I need to get off weekends. It reassured me once again that I am making the right decision by looking for other jobs.
This day as a family gave me a feeling of peacefulness and hope. Peacefulness because I finally got some quality time with our family of three. And hope because I look forward to more days like this to come.

While I dread the fact that I have to work this Memorial Day weekend while everyone else is relaxing with their families, I find comfort in knowing that come Monday, I get a whole other day to spend with my two favorite people in the world. So bring it on, Saturday and Sunday because I'm going to own Monday.

Meet Liana Grace.

My world has been turned upside down. Shaken. Gone from black to white. What was once a life of independence and a (more-than-it-is-now) carefree attitude, is now completely dependent and careful.

But only for the best reason. 

Meet Liana Grace.

~mmmm.... oreos!!~

The love of my life. The dots on my i's and the crosses on my t's. The hershey to my kisses, the Mike to my Ikes.

The child who lights up my life and has given me immeasurable joy.

And because she's too sweet not to share, I want you to know more about her. I want you to love her too because let me tell you, this child is worthy of all the love a world has to offer.

So, here's a snapshot of my Liana Grace at almost 14 months.

My pumkin is:

Mischievious. No matter how many times I tell her "No Liana!" she gives me that "Come on Mom, you know you're not going to do anything" look and does it anyways. For example, despite me telling her no three times today, she continued to sneak off to her bedroom and pull every single diaper out of her diaper stacker. She feeds the dogs her food when I "ask" her not to and it's become part of my daily routine in the morning to pick up the dogs water bowl... otherwise, my floor is soaked and so is my daughter.

Sensitive. If you look at her crossly, she becomes a puddle of tears within minutes. When her teeth are hurting her or she's sick, she needs snuggles. And when her mama needs a hug, she's right there.

Shy. This is reason #1 I'm hoping to join a playgroup.... and soon. She's intimidated by other kids, but yet, fascinated by the fact that she's not the only 1 year old running around in this great big world (who would've though, huh?!). At the kids playplace in the mall, she stands without movement for the first 10 minutes after we've arrived... only after she's gathered her wits about her does she find the courage to move and try to interact. And by "interact", I mean she runs around and stares at the other kids playing. And usually gets run over in the process.

Finally, a wonderful sleeper... thank God! We are finally, finally to the point that she'll sleep 12 hours without waking at least 6 days a week. After 14+ months of intermittent sleep, this mommy is loving the fact that when she goes to bed, she stays there for at least 8 hours. However, my body is now trying to catch up on that lost sleep, which isn't working too well as I find myself desperate for a nap at the same time my daughter is running circles around the house. Literally. And look, she even falls asleep in places she's not supposed to...

Speaking of which.... my child is energetic. The kid is going to be just like her daddy... she can't sit still for more than 20 minutes at a time. The only way I can get her to slow down and sit with me on any given day is to pop a Baby Einstein video in and let it do it's magic. She'll sit on my lap for a while but halfway through, she's MIA again. She climbs the stairs. Runs "the circle" consisting of going from the playroom to the kitchen to the hall to the living room and finally ending in the playroom again. She loves to be chased. And on nice days, she'll even walk around the entire block... no stroller, just shoes.

Strong willed. We've hit the point where she knows what she wants and knows what she doesn't... and if you take something away from her, or stop her from doing something, she'll throw a tantrum. If I pick her up, she arches her back and thrashes her limbs... it's quite the scene, and I've come to anticipate these movements. Thankfully, she has yet to slam a body part (like her head) into anything during one of these incidents. I'm sure that day will come though.

Joyful. Aside from the above incidents, Liana doesn't stop smiling. She smiles at her mama and daddy most because, well, we rock. She smiles at her dogs. She smiles at her nana and her papa because she knows she has them wrapped around her little tiny fingers. And she brings joy to others as well... for example, the hostess at Arne's Restaurant yesterday who, as we approached the hostess stand, Liana said "Hi!!" to. Or the teenage boy working at Aeropostale who she batted her long eyelashes at and said "HI!!!" to over and over again until he was blushing. Yep, at the ripe age of 1, my kid can flirt with cute older boys. Hopefully that means she'll give me lots of grandbabies some day :)

Inquisitive and oh-so-smart. She LOVES books, especially the touch and feel kind. She loves building things and she LOVES knocking things over. She investigates everything... hence the reason Poison Control has already been called and we have gates at both the top and bottom of the stairs. The other night, Mike went upstairs after putting her to bed and found that she had turned her bedroom light on. She knows to call out "Mama!" in the morning and that I'll only come to get her out of bed once she starts fussing because for the first 30 minutes, she just likes to play in her crib. Her rule (not mine) while eating is "one for me, one for Bauer" and even though I try to persuade against this behavior, she continues.

Playful. Her best friend is Moose, and she loves to bring him his squeaky ball and take it away again, knowing that he'll chase after it. She gets this twinkle in her eye when we play peek a boo, when I sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" or "Pat a Cake".

A talker. Her favorite word? Bauer. Yes, Bauer. She whispers it. Repeats it a hundred times a day. Yells it as if she's calling to him. "Bauer" isn't just for Bauer though... Bauer is for any dog. Or sometimes, any furry creature. She also loves "Mama", "Daddy", "Ball", "Hi!", "Ba Ba" (for bottle). Her vocabulary is expanding with each passing week and I love the thought of soon hearing small sentences come from the mouth of my baby. Small, sweet sounding sentences. My house is never quiet... just ask the neighbors. :) 

Delicious. That wispy blonde hair, those beautiful blue eyes, and that fair, soft skin make me melt. I don't understand how someone so beautiful has my blood flowing through her tiny, barely 20 lb body. I can't help but drown her in kisses all day, every day. And it makes my heart melt when she gives me kisses, too. I wake up each morning ready to soak her in, hoping, just hoping, that I can be half as wonderful of a mother to her as she is a daughter to me.

There's more.... so much more. More for me to discover about my child that grows more and more each day, right before my eyes. More for me to tell you that I don't have the time for right now. This little girl becomes more interesting each day, more fun, easier to love and be loved by. She makes me feel like a piece of my heart was missing for the 25 years of my life before she came along. A piece of my heart that is now found, a piece of my heart that completes me (as corny as that sounds).

Meet Liana Grace. The best thing that ever happened to this crazy-in-love mama.

One (work) day in the life of Haley.

Most of the time, my work days aren't too bad.

Yes, I deal with sad situations. But, as I've said before in my journaling, I've learned how to separate myself from a vast majority of the patients and families I work with. If I didn't, I would've been burned out from this job a year ago.

Most of the time, I don't work a full 12 hours of my 12 hour shift. I'm always thankful for a "slower" day because I know that the busy ones are pretty grueling. Emotionally and physically so.

Most of the time, I don't feel the need to cry about where I've been in a work day and what I've seen. That wall that I've built between myself and my patients is a good protector. It guards this little heart of mine.

Today was not like most other days. It wasn't a "most of the time" kind of day. Go figure that this kind of day fell on Mother's Day, right?

Today, I visited with 4 families (for a total of 10 hours )and did 8 visits worth of charting (which added up to another 5 hours worth of charting). Today, I spent 3 hours in one home with one family and felt like I got nowhere. Today, I went from one floor, to another, to another in the hospital and dealt with three very different situations.... one baby bear, one mama bear, and one papa bear scenario. The easy. The worst. The in-between.

Today, as I arrived in the ER and sat down at a  computer, waiting to see my fourth and final patient of the day, I watched the chaos around me. I watched a teenage boy, his parents, and his younger sister sit in the hall because the ER was full and there were no rooms left. The boy, who was on a stretcher, was vomitting and wide-eyed. And then, as if he wasn't scared enough, right in front of us (we were sitting about 15 ft apart) the door to the room five feet away from him opened up and out comes the nurse, pushing a stretcher with a person in a body bag. He looked at me. I looked at him. For a moment, we were both wide-eyed and joined in this response by the rest of his family.

My heart hit the floor. And in that instant, I wanted to shut down and cry. Pick up my stuff and just walk out. Be done. Go home. Pretend as if I didn't just bare witness to that.

Most of the time, my patients can see what's coming at them. They have time to prepare. This man didn't. He came in for "difficulty breathing" and left in a red, zippered cloth bag.

Most of the time, I'm up on the general med floors. Not in the ER.

Most of the time, I don't see patients get rolled out of their hospital room on a stretcher, in a body bag, only hours after their arrival.

I finished my visit and went home.

Most of the time, I love my job. Today, I didn't.

Today, I cried. I never cry.

I cried for me. For the man that died in the ER. For the boy and his little sister who saw something that they were too young to see. I cried because on Mother's Day, I wanted to spend time with my family and most importantly, with my daughter. I cried because I didn't get to.

It never fails that when I hope my work day will be slow, it's busier than ever. Mothers Day was no exception. And unfortunately, I'll remember this day for a very long time to come.... not because of the memories made with my family, but because of the memories made in that ER.

Hopefully, tomorrow we'll have a "Mothers Day" redo.