Kickin' it with The Kadzban's: March 2012

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

5 months.

Lukas turned 5 months old today. It's amazing how quickly the time passes you by.

I keep remembering back to when Liana was this age. Back then, it felt like my time with her crept by. Now, I can't believe my little boy is almost half a year old already and it feels like if time doesn't slow down (which we all know won't happen), my baby will be a toddler in the blink of an eye.

I think I'm especially aware of how fleeting these moments are with Lukas because Mike and I don't think we'll be having any more kids. We feel like our family is balanced how it is and while I always thought I'd want three, I'm finding that I'm more than content with the two that I have. Plus, there's a lot of benefits to sticking with two.... including a foreseeable end to sleepless nights, no more pregnancy discomforts, no more teething or reflux and many other reasons. :)

Having come to this conclusion, I'm trying to soak up every ounce of babyhood I can with Lukas. I do things like take notice of how it feels to pick up his tiny body and carry it around on my hip. How it feels to have him lay his head against my chest or my shoulder. How he fits against me just right while I'm feeding him. I'm not as eager to let him grow up as I was with Liana... hence the reason we still haven't started him on any solids yet and I've barely started practicing new skills (like sitting up) with him. The way I figure it, the longer he can stay a baby, the longer I'll be able to have one. It may be selfish but I'm in no rush for this time of my life to pass me by.

Lukas is still waking up at least twice every night and while this was weighing on me for a while around 4 months, I've decided that I'm not ready to "do" anything about it. We tried to let him "cry it out" one night and after two hours of screaming, called it quits. I just couldn't do it, especially knowing that our little boy has had so many tummy issues since birth and I can't just ignore him when he might actually be hurting. So rather than lament over it, I've just accepted it for what it is. Mike and I have decided to "divide and conquer" so we each take one night time feeding. This makes things much easier for me but I know Mike still struggles with the fact that Lukas isn't sleeping through the night yet. We'll get there.... it'll just take some more time.

As of last week, Lukas weighed 16lbs 2oz and was 26 inches long. He's a giant... at least compared to how his sister was at this age! Considering all the feeding issues we've had, I'm impressed the kid has grown as well as he has. We found out two weeks ago that he's lactose intolerant which explains just about all the other issues we've had. Since three weeks old, it's been one digestive issue after another and he was a pretty miserable baby for such a long time. Now we know why. Since finding this out, we've switched formulas (we were supplementing on the days I worked and breastfeeding on the days I didn't) and things have turned around almost completely. In addition, Lukas decided this past weekend that he was no longer interested in breastfeeding and as I was getting ready to wean anyways, I just went with it. While I loved breastfeeding, it just didn't love my baby. He'd spit up twice as much which would make him twice as irritable. My supply was barely enough so it seemed as though he was never full, making it impossible to get him into a good schedule. I already deeply miss it and miss that bond with Lukas but in the grand scheme of things, I'm happier with a happier baby.

Lukas would still prefer to be held and walked most of the time but he's gotten much better about letting us put him down. He loves his exersaucer and we just pulled his jumparoo out of the basement tonight. When I lay him on the floor he loves to roll around and look at everything around the room. While he easily rolls from tummy to back, he still hasn't mastered rolling from back to tummy but we are close. Much like Liana did, he hates tummy time so the minute I lay him on his belly, he either rolls over or screams bloody murder.

During the past two weeks of incredibly warm weather, we quickly found out that Lukas loves to be outdoors. He loves to look around and see all the new and different things that surround him. Mike mowed the lawn for the first time last week (in March!?!?) and Lukas fell asleep in my arms to the sound of it. I see many days of us sitting and playing outside this summer.

He's been on a few overnights to Nana and Papa's house now and while he seems to do fine, I can tell that I am missed while he's gone. It melts my heart to see that smile on his face when he sees me again and I can feel the way he relaxes once he realizes that his mama is back with him. While I sleep so much better when he's away, my arms feel incredibly empty when he's not just in the next room. On the nights that both kids are gone, I find myself not knowing what to do with all the "me" time.

Lukas continues to adore his sister as she continues to adore him. Their bond keeps getting better and better.... she's so sweet and caring towards him that my heart tells me they'll be the best of friends. After all, how could he not love a sister like her?! His eyes follow her as she moves through the room and I can tell he feels a little lost without her when she's not home because the instant she returns, he lights up at the sight of her.

Right now, our primary focus is on trying to figure out some kind of a schedule that works for us and for Lukas. His eating and sleeping is sporatic during the day (and night) to the point that Mike and I still feel like we're constantly guessing as to what he needs/wants. It's frustrating to say the least but I do feel like we're making some progress. He's consistently taking three naps a day - one in the morning, one at 12:30 (when Liana goes down.... mama needs that "me" time!), and one sometime before dinner. He's in bed by 8pm every night and usually wakes for his first feeding around 12:30. I feel like once we get more of a schedule figured out, particularly a feeding schedule, other things will start to fall into place. Life can only get better from there. :)

We still have bad days around here, but now they're much fewer and farther between. For that, I am thankful.

Despite some of the hardships, I'm so madly in love with this little boy of mine. I never saw my life with a little boy in it but now, I can't imagine my life without him.

The many emotions of Lukas.... This one is my favorite. :)

His getup for his sister's birthday party!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

Despite being up until 2am last night, I woke up at 7:30. Desperate as I tried, I couldn't fall asleep as thoughts starting flying through my head about the journey I was on three years ago in that very moment. I watched the clock as 7:52 struck.... the moment in which Liana Grace Kadzban officially turned three years old.

Where has the time gone?!

Three years ago today was the most life-changing day of my life. Three years ago today, I became a mom.

And the person that made me a mom has turned into the most beautiful little girl I could've hoped for.

She is kind. Always concerned about others, when she picks up on pain or sadness she's right there making sure that person is okay. Even when other kids aren't being kind in return, she always is.

She is caring. The way she "mommies" her baby dolls and now her brother leaves me speechless. She's so gentle and so nurturing that it makes me proud.

She is funny. The kid loves to make you laugh. She's a huge goofball and can put on quite the show.

She is smart. So, so smart. She can read her letters, count without actually counting (does that make sense?) and her speech is now articulate and detailed. She says things like, "Mom, that nail polish wasn't so good. Almost all of it came off. Hopefully this nail polish is better."

She is vivacious. This kid has a thrill for life that goes unrivaled. She runs like it's her job and does laps (literally) around the neighborhood. She loves a thrill which scares me to death most times.

She is sassy... in both the good and the bad sense. I'm sometimes reminded of what my mother had to put up with when I was younger and thankful that this sentence is able to include "sometimes".

She is a master manipulator. She knows which buttons to push when she really wants something... this is especially true for her Papa, who she has wrapped around her finger. Her new favorite phrase is, "Mama, I think Lukas wants to ....." when clearly she's the one that wants ".....".

She stalls. Oh Lord how she stalls. This is a new one for us that's just come on in the last few weeks. Naptime, which was always SO easy, is now a process. I hear "But Mama, I want...." at least 15 times before I finally just shut the door. Same thing at bedtime or when it's time to go home and she doesn't want to. Or when I'm leaving for work. It's awful. I hate it.

She is imaginative. We have a hippo that lurks around our house, one that pops up randomly from room to room. I'm not sure where this hippo came from but it seems he's here to stay.

She is affectionate and loving. Kisses are common place around here and nothing melts my heart more than when she randomly runs up to me and throws her arms around my legs. On the days I don't work, she loves to snuggle with me in bed as we watch the Disney channel until Lukas wakes up. On the weekends, our queen size bed becomes very crowded with two big people and one little one. I wouldn't give it up for anything though.

She is responsive. "Warnings" work well for her and when I have to count to three (getting to three means going to time out), we rarely get beyond two. She listens well, especially when safety is on the line.

She is independent. Last year, she always wanted to have someone by her side. Now I see her venturing out on her own a little by doing things like going upstairs to play in her bedroom alone, going into the backyard alone, or going and playing downstairs alone. In addition, we hear "No, I'll do it" much more often these days. She doesn't always want our help even when sometimes that's for the best.

She is a friend, through and through. Lily is her best friend, Graham is her forever friend, and Vivi from playgroup has a special place in her heart. She tries to make friends wherever she goes and when kids don't reciprocate, it pains my heart. She's so happy when she's around other kids that I get excited thinking about the opportunities that lie ahead as she starts preschool in the fall.

She is relentless. If she wants something, you know it.

She is potty trained (yay!!!).... just not during sleep times. It'll happen when it happens.

She is my girly-girl. She loves to have her hair done and her fingers & toes painted. She loves to go to the store and pick out new clothes. She loves to dress up in her princess dresses and watch Strawberry Shortcake. At the same time though, she's got a little tomboy in her as the moment her daddy gets home she loves to play rough and tough. A perfect blend for both Mike and I. :)

She is pacifier free (yay!!!!). I promised myself it'd be gone by her third birthday and when we got down to only having two left, I said "It's time.". The first day was awful and the first week was hard but now, she doesn't even miss it. Neither do I.

She is helpful. If I ask her to go get something for me, she will. When it's been a long night and mama needs a nap, she'll play quietly so I can lay down for a little bit. She loves to "help" us cook and clean and she'll do anything we let her to take care of her brother. When Lukas was born, she mastered her own potty training during those first few weeks as I couldn't go upstairs with her every time she had to go (which was often!).

She is whiney.... when she wants something she can't have or when she's tired. Most annoying thing ever.

She is a big sister and a FABULOUS one at that. I can't believe I was once so scared about how she would respond to Lukas and whether she'd like this new role or not. She looks at him with adoring eyes but best of all, he reciprocates that. She's so gentle with him and so concerned for him all the time and I realized this week that as long as that continues, they're bound to be the best of friends. My heart soars just thinking about it.

She is a little girl. No longer a baby and no longer a toddler. I see it in her everyday actions, I see it in her personality, I see it when I look at her. I miss my "baby" girl but obviously, she's still my "baby girl".

She's our angel. She may not always act like one, but this girl is everything Mike and I hoped she would be. She's been an amazing gift from God and as her name implies, our answered prayer. As Mike and I were driving around last night and talking about her, I shared with him how I knew while I was pregnant with her that she was going to be "perfect". I knew she'd be an easy baby and I knew she'd be everything we wanted her to be. (It is also possible that this was me being naive and endlessly optimistic during our first pregnancy.)

Liana Grace changed my world three years ago today. Best of all, she didn't just change my world, she changed Mike's too. And our family's.

Happy Birthday, my sweet little girl. I love you to the moon and back. I am so proud to be your mama and as Taylor Swift says, "You are the best thing that's ever been mine. "