Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Liana's best.
So the Kranz's left the Kadzban household yesterday morning after a long weekend of visiting and I have to admit that watching their van pull away left me crunching my nose a little... the only thing I know to do when I want to stop the tears from flowing.
After they left, I sat on the couch while feeding Lukas and couldn't help but wonder why it's always so hard on me when they go. Then it hit me....
I hate the transition of watching Liana play so joyfully with Lily (most of the time) to once again being by herself.
Watching these two run around together brings a happiness to my heart that not many other things can. Sure, they have their moments... in fact, at the ripe age of 2, they seem to be having a lot more these days as they struggle to learn the whole concept of sharing. But more often than not you'll find these girls giggling like the best of friends.
Without even knowing it or trying to, Lily has given something to my daughter that is irreplaceable. A best friend. Someone to giggle with. Get into trouble with. Play relentlessly with. Fight with and then quickly make up with. They love each other in spite of their faults and for their strengths. They're there to teach other important life lessons... even though right now those life lessons may range from small issues such as using a public potty to big issues like learning how to share and be kind to others.
When these two girls are together, my heart overflows at watching how happy Liana is. But it also brings with it a lot of sadness because inevitably, it always has to end. I hate that some of our closest friends live hours away and that these play dates can't happen more than once every few months.
Someday, I pray that Liana and Lukas have an overabundance of friends and cousins to play with because right now, they don't. That's been one of the many struggles I've faced with having kids so much earlier than our siblings or our friends have. I feel Liana's loneliness, even when she probably doesn't, to my core.
Lillian Paige, thank you for being Liana's best. And Lily's mom, thanks for being one of mine too. <3
After they left, I sat on the couch while feeding Lukas and couldn't help but wonder why it's always so hard on me when they go. Then it hit me....
I hate the transition of watching Liana play so joyfully with Lily (most of the time) to once again being by herself.
Watching these two run around together brings a happiness to my heart that not many other things can. Sure, they have their moments... in fact, at the ripe age of 2, they seem to be having a lot more these days as they struggle to learn the whole concept of sharing. But more often than not you'll find these girls giggling like the best of friends.
Without even knowing it or trying to, Lily has given something to my daughter that is irreplaceable. A best friend. Someone to giggle with. Get into trouble with. Play relentlessly with. Fight with and then quickly make up with. They love each other in spite of their faults and for their strengths. They're there to teach other important life lessons... even though right now those life lessons may range from small issues such as using a public potty to big issues like learning how to share and be kind to others.
When these two girls are together, my heart overflows at watching how happy Liana is. But it also brings with it a lot of sadness because inevitably, it always has to end. I hate that some of our closest friends live hours away and that these play dates can't happen more than once every few months.
Someday, I pray that Liana and Lukas have an overabundance of friends and cousins to play with because right now, they don't. That's been one of the many struggles I've faced with having kids so much earlier than our siblings or our friends have. I feel Liana's loneliness, even when she probably doesn't, to my core.
Lillian Paige, thank you for being Liana's best. And Lily's mom, thanks for being one of mine too. <3
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
A quick update.
It's incredibly hard to believe that Lukas is four weeks old on Thursday and officially a month old on Sunday.
Where has the time gone?!
I hate to say this but a big part of me is relieved that it's flying by for one simple reason....
Reflux .
While Lukas' first two weeks of life seemed to go by without much of a hitch, week three and four have been trying to say the least. As any mother would, I struggle with seeing my sweet little boy in pain and not knowing just how to fix it. I took him in for his 2 week checkup last week (even though he was nearly 3 weeks) and Dr. Maki prescribed him Zantac. I'm still undecided on whether or not it's helping as some days are better than others. I pray that we continue to see some progress made over the coming days and if not, I pray that Dr. Maki will put him on Prevacid as that seems to have helped a lot of other kiddos I know who have also struggled with reflux .
In the mean time, my days are frazzled. On the "bad" days, I'm trying to calm a baby that screams just about all day long. While I'm doing this, I can actually see my sweet Liana falling into emotional pieces as she struggles with this reflux in her own way. After all, it's not easy going from being an only child to now competing for your family's attention with a little brother who's needs are currently high. The mix of watching both of my kids struggle physically and emotionally leaves me struggling myself. Sometimes, I just have to let the tears flow or else I know I might just explode.
Regardless of whether a day is "good" or "bad", we are adjusting to life as four. I love this new family of mine and I love watching both of my children grow. I can already see such a difference in Lukas as he's starting to look like less of a newborn and more of a baby. Thankfully, he sleeps well and typically wakes me up only once, sometimes twice, a night.
There's not much other news to report at this point. I'll apologize now for a lack of regular updates.... things are too crazy around here right now to sit in front of a computer for any length of time and write. <3
Where has the time gone?!
I hate to say this but a big part of me is relieved that it's flying by for one simple reason....
Reflux .
While Lukas' first two weeks of life seemed to go by without much of a hitch, week three and four have been trying to say the least. As any mother would, I struggle with seeing my sweet little boy in pain and not knowing just how to fix it. I took him in for his 2 week checkup last week (even though he was nearly 3 weeks) and Dr. Maki prescribed him Zantac. I'm still undecided on whether or not it's helping as some days are better than others. I pray that we continue to see some progress made over the coming days and if not, I pray that Dr. Maki will put him on Prevacid as that seems to have helped a lot of other kiddos I know who have also struggled with reflux .
In the mean time, my days are frazzled. On the "bad" days, I'm trying to calm a baby that screams just about all day long. While I'm doing this, I can actually see my sweet Liana falling into emotional pieces as she struggles with this reflux in her own way. After all, it's not easy going from being an only child to now competing for your family's attention with a little brother who's needs are currently high. The mix of watching both of my kids struggle physically and emotionally leaves me struggling myself. Sometimes, I just have to let the tears flow or else I know I might just explode.
Regardless of whether a day is "good" or "bad", we are adjusting to life as four. I love this new family of mine and I love watching both of my children grow. I can already see such a difference in Lukas as he's starting to look like less of a newborn and more of a baby. Thankfully, he sleeps well and typically wakes me up only once, sometimes twice, a night.
(The only kind of work out Mike's fitting in these days!!!)
There's not much other news to report at this point. I'll apologize now for a lack of regular updates.... things are too crazy around here right now to sit in front of a computer for any length of time and write. <3
Monday, November 7, 2011
Lukas Ryan Kadzban.
So....
On Thursday, October 27th at exactly 12:01 pm, Mike and I welcomed Lukas Ryan into this world. He weighed 7 lbs, 4oz and was 20 inches long. Every inch, every ounce is pure perfection.
Thank you, Lord.
That Thursday morning started out almost like any other. Mike, Liana, and I got up, got showered and got dressed. I was too busy running around the house to feel the anxiety creeping up on me. My parents arrived at 8:45 that morning to pick up Liana as she was going to spend the morning and afternoon with them while her Daddy and I welcomed little Lukas into this world. Saying goodbye that morning was terrifying and exciting all at the same time.... terrifying because her mama was about to have surgery and exciting because her brother was about to officially enter our lives. I kissed my sweet girl goodbye and five minutes later, Mike and I were on the road ourselves.
As we drove, the anxiety slowly started increasing.
We arrived at the hospital to answer a barrage of questions like, "Are you having contractions? Did your water break?" to which I ironically answered with "No". After a minute or so of questioning by the triage nurse, I explained that I was there for a scheduled c-section. They had me sit down and five minutes later, I was being escorted back to Labor and Delivery for surgical prep.
I stripped down to my gown and my nurse entered. She placed the monitors on my belly and within minutes said, "Do you know you're having contractions? They're 10 minutes apart."
Obviously, I hadn't known... but this was music to my ears. One of my biggest disappointments all along in deciding to have a c-section was knowing that I was choosing my baby's birth date rather than let my body or my baby choose which day was best. Upon hearing that I was contracting, my heart felt more at ease.... this baby would've been coming soon anyways. I sighed with pure relief.
Well, for a moment.
Over the next hour and a half, the nurses prepared me for what was still to come. Before I knew it though, it was 11 am.... just 30 minutes before my surgery was scheduled to begin. It was at that point that the nerves hit hard.
I was scared of so many things.... being cut open, getting the spinal block, what our son would feel and think as Dr. LaGrand pulled him out of his home for the past 9 months, the recovery, and whether or not something might go wrong.
I asked for an anti-anxiety med but for whatever reason, the anesthesiologist didn't want to give it to me. So instead, I just tried to breathe... and not cry.
At 11:38, they walked me back to the O.R.
In all honesty, that room was one of the scariest aspects to my day. So white, so cold (both figuratively and literally), so uninviting. I had three doctors, four nurses, an anesthesiologist and a couple of surgical techs all standing around me with gowns and masks on. They sat me on the operating table and within minutes, the anesthesiologist was putting my spinal block in place while her nurse stood in front of me, holding me and talking me through it. It was there that I lost it.
Because Mike wasn't allowed to enter the O.R. until 15 minutes after I had done so, the anesthesiologist comforted me as she stood at the head of my operating table. While she had initially seemed as cold as that operating room itself, I was so grateful to have her by my side until Mike arrived. By the time he finally did, I was drowning in silent tears. Also by the time he entered, Dr. LaGrand had already made his incision.
Mike sat at the head of my operating table, holding my hand, for only a few minutes before Dr. LaGrand announced, "Are we ready to have a baby?"
And then he stood, just in time to watch Lukas be born.
I couldn't see Lukas but the moment I heard his cries, every ounce of fear washed away from me. I watched my husband's expression as he laid eyes on his son for the first time and I began to bawl.
I reassured everyone in the room that these were tears of joy, not tears of pain, fear, or sorrow.
Lukas' nurse laid him on the warming table and cleaned him up. Unfortunately, I couldn't see him during this part as the blue curtain that prevented me from seeing the surgery had gotten bumped and was now at an angle... an angle that kept Lukas just out of my sight. But I could hear him and I could see Mike and frankly, that was all that mattered in that moment. Mike went to his side and tried to calm our wailing baby boy as the nurse cleaned him up and then, she placed Lukas into his arms. So quickly, Lukas went quiet. He knew he was in good hands and so did I.
Despite the fact that this child grew inside me for nine months and I felt him move often... very, very often... reality didn't hit me until the first moment I laid my eyes on him. All I could think was, "Wow, there he is. My baby boy. He really is real and he really is mine."
I didn't hold Lukas for nearly 45 minutes after he was born. Not because I couldn't but because I didn't feel physically ready. Like I said before though, my heart was okay with that as I knew he was in the loving and very capable hands of his daddy. His daddy who was obviously so ready himself to meet this little boy and so joyful over finally doing so.
The rest of Lukas' birth day is quite the blur. I remember calling my mom as soon as I had Lukas in my arms and the nurses left me alone for a short while. I remember hearing her on the other end, crying the minute she realized it was me on the phone. I remember Mike sending out a text announcing Lukas' birth and the constant beeps of return texts saying "Congratulations!!".
I remember the moment my parents arrived at my hospital room and walked Liana in to meet her baby brother. I remember the concern that came across her face as she saw me sitting in a hospital bed, unable to move much. She was enamored with her "baby brother" from the start.... the baby brother she named, in fact. Had it not been for Liana, Lukas could have been a Jacob but she was persistent and each time she was asked which name she preferred, she answered the same.... "Lukas". And so it was, Lukas Ryan Kadzban.
From the moment he was born, Lukas has been nothing short of a miracle in our lives. He feels like the missing puzzle piece to our family... a piece I was desperately hoping to find ever since I received this email almost one year ago.
My heart is overflowing with joy. Not only because Lukas has helped further heal my own heart and brought even more love into my life, but because I see the love his daddy and sister have for him too.
Lukas Ryan is now ten days old. Honestly, the time already feels like it's racing by. It feels like forever ago that I was huge and pregnant when in fact it was only two weeks ago. He's an amazing baby that has melted so perfectly into our lives and made it better... happier... fuller. His temperament is sweet and mild-mannered... unless your changing his clothes or his diaper, of course! Breastfeeding is going exceptionally well this time around which is a drastic change from what I experienced with Liana.
Life as four does have its challenges, but life as four is everything we had hoped it would be. And more.
Lukas Ryan, I cannot wait to watch you grow. Your sister may have started me on this journey through motherhood... but I can't wait to see how you continue it.
On Thursday, October 27th at exactly 12:01 pm, Mike and I welcomed Lukas Ryan into this world. He weighed 7 lbs, 4oz and was 20 inches long. Every inch, every ounce is pure perfection.
Thank you, Lord.
That Thursday morning started out almost like any other. Mike, Liana, and I got up, got showered and got dressed. I was too busy running around the house to feel the anxiety creeping up on me. My parents arrived at 8:45 that morning to pick up Liana as she was going to spend the morning and afternoon with them while her Daddy and I welcomed little Lukas into this world. Saying goodbye that morning was terrifying and exciting all at the same time.... terrifying because her mama was about to have surgery and exciting because her brother was about to officially enter our lives. I kissed my sweet girl goodbye and five minutes later, Mike and I were on the road ourselves.
As we drove, the anxiety slowly started increasing.
We arrived at the hospital to answer a barrage of questions like, "Are you having contractions? Did your water break?" to which I ironically answered with "No". After a minute or so of questioning by the triage nurse, I explained that I was there for a scheduled c-section. They had me sit down and five minutes later, I was being escorted back to Labor and Delivery for surgical prep.
I stripped down to my gown and my nurse entered. She placed the monitors on my belly and within minutes said, "Do you know you're having contractions? They're 10 minutes apart."
Obviously, I hadn't known... but this was music to my ears. One of my biggest disappointments all along in deciding to have a c-section was knowing that I was choosing my baby's birth date rather than let my body or my baby choose which day was best. Upon hearing that I was contracting, my heart felt more at ease.... this baby would've been coming soon anyways. I sighed with pure relief.
Well, for a moment.
Over the next hour and a half, the nurses prepared me for what was still to come. Before I knew it though, it was 11 am.... just 30 minutes before my surgery was scheduled to begin. It was at that point that the nerves hit hard.
I was scared of so many things.... being cut open, getting the spinal block, what our son would feel and think as Dr. LaGrand pulled him out of his home for the past 9 months, the recovery, and whether or not something might go wrong.
I asked for an anti-anxiety med but for whatever reason, the anesthesiologist didn't want to give it to me. So instead, I just tried to breathe... and not cry.
At 11:38, they walked me back to the O.R.
In all honesty, that room was one of the scariest aspects to my day. So white, so cold (both figuratively and literally), so uninviting. I had three doctors, four nurses, an anesthesiologist and a couple of surgical techs all standing around me with gowns and masks on. They sat me on the operating table and within minutes, the anesthesiologist was putting my spinal block in place while her nurse stood in front of me, holding me and talking me through it. It was there that I lost it.
Because Mike wasn't allowed to enter the O.R. until 15 minutes after I had done so, the anesthesiologist comforted me as she stood at the head of my operating table. While she had initially seemed as cold as that operating room itself, I was so grateful to have her by my side until Mike arrived. By the time he finally did, I was drowning in silent tears. Also by the time he entered, Dr. LaGrand had already made his incision.
Mike sat at the head of my operating table, holding my hand, for only a few minutes before Dr. LaGrand announced, "Are we ready to have a baby?"
And then he stood, just in time to watch Lukas be born.
I couldn't see Lukas but the moment I heard his cries, every ounce of fear washed away from me. I watched my husband's expression as he laid eyes on his son for the first time and I began to bawl.
I reassured everyone in the room that these were tears of joy, not tears of pain, fear, or sorrow.
Lukas' nurse laid him on the warming table and cleaned him up. Unfortunately, I couldn't see him during this part as the blue curtain that prevented me from seeing the surgery had gotten bumped and was now at an angle... an angle that kept Lukas just out of my sight. But I could hear him and I could see Mike and frankly, that was all that mattered in that moment. Mike went to his side and tried to calm our wailing baby boy as the nurse cleaned him up and then, she placed Lukas into his arms. So quickly, Lukas went quiet. He knew he was in good hands and so did I.
Despite the fact that this child grew inside me for nine months and I felt him move often... very, very often... reality didn't hit me until the first moment I laid my eyes on him. All I could think was, "Wow, there he is. My baby boy. He really is real and he really is mine."
I didn't hold Lukas for nearly 45 minutes after he was born. Not because I couldn't but because I didn't feel physically ready. Like I said before though, my heart was okay with that as I knew he was in the loving and very capable hands of his daddy. His daddy who was obviously so ready himself to meet this little boy and so joyful over finally doing so.
The rest of Lukas' birth day is quite the blur. I remember calling my mom as soon as I had Lukas in my arms and the nurses left me alone for a short while. I remember hearing her on the other end, crying the minute she realized it was me on the phone. I remember Mike sending out a text announcing Lukas' birth and the constant beeps of return texts saying "Congratulations!!".
I remember the moment my parents arrived at my hospital room and walked Liana in to meet her baby brother. I remember the concern that came across her face as she saw me sitting in a hospital bed, unable to move much. She was enamored with her "baby brother" from the start.... the baby brother she named, in fact. Had it not been for Liana, Lukas could have been a Jacob but she was persistent and each time she was asked which name she preferred, she answered the same.... "Lukas". And so it was, Lukas Ryan Kadzban.
From the moment he was born, Lukas has been nothing short of a miracle in our lives. He feels like the missing puzzle piece to our family... a piece I was desperately hoping to find ever since I received this email almost one year ago.
My heart is overflowing with joy. Not only because Lukas has helped further heal my own heart and brought even more love into my life, but because I see the love his daddy and sister have for him too.
Lukas Ryan is now ten days old. Honestly, the time already feels like it's racing by. It feels like forever ago that I was huge and pregnant when in fact it was only two weeks ago. He's an amazing baby that has melted so perfectly into our lives and made it better... happier... fuller. His temperament is sweet and mild-mannered... unless your changing his clothes or his diaper, of course! Breastfeeding is going exceptionally well this time around which is a drastic change from what I experienced with Liana.
Life as four does have its challenges, but life as four is everything we had hoped it would be. And more.
Lukas Ryan, I cannot wait to watch you grow. Your sister may have started me on this journey through motherhood... but I can't wait to see how you continue it.
39 weeks and ready to meet our little guy!
Welcome to the world, Lukas!
The three loves of my life.
2 days old.
My kiddos on Halloween!
11.2.11.... 6 days old.
11.3.11... One week old and Lukas' original due date!
11.6.11... A little out of focus but Liana's first time holding baby Lukas!
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