Reality check.... one, two.

Holy cow.

So, I went for my OB appt today and Dr. John offered to strip my membranes.

I'm pretty certain that I looked like a deer in the headlights while sitting on that exam table.

My jaw must have hit the floor.

After what seemed like minutes of awkward silence (but was probably seconds), the only thing I could muster out of this mouth of mine was "Can I call and ask Mike what he thinks?"

Dr. John laughed, then sat there patiently while I made a rather humorous phone call to my husband (who I think about peed himself).

I hope he found us entertaining.... it's better than the alternative.

Mike's reaction? He basically begged me not to have it done.

I'm sure Dr. John also got a good laugh when my reaction to this was, "Are you saying no because of the Alumni hockey game on Friday night?!" (Only I would have to actually worry about my husband choosing hockey over me having our baby. Only I.) Thank God his answer was no.... otherwise I would've had it done just to spite him. ;)

After quickly realizing that we weren't ready for this today, Dr. John offered to do the procedure on Friday instead. I made the appointment while making sure that it would be okay if I called to cancel last minute. (It is.)

Realistically, I doubt I'll wait until Friday to make that phone call. I just don't think I can do it for two reasons: 1) It's not guaranteed to work. I wasn't dilated at all when I had it done with Liana and it hurt like hell... and I doubt I'm dilated now. So why go through the pain with no guarantees? 2) I quickly realized today that 10 days may not be long enough to begin with.... pushing that up to sometime within the next 24-48 hours? Or even this weekend? Whoa. Cue panic and a new found sense of patience.

So I know I'm a freaking roller coaster. Trust me, I know.

I love this baby more than life itself and I haven't even met him yet.

But am I ready to meet him today? Tomorrow? This weekend? Not sure about that.....

If God decides it's time, that's one thing. But me taking that step and causing it to happen sooner? Nope, can't do it.

Ten days from now, I'll be holding this baby in my arms. There are moments where I wish these next 10 days would fly just so he could be here. (And so I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.) Then there are moments where I don't feel quite ready yet and would like those 10 days to take their sweet time in passing.

I'm 97% ready... willing... waiting. But that 3%... oh, that's a force to be reckoned with.

What a reality check we got today. Mike and I are both really realizing just how soon our world is going to change. Ten days is going to pass us by in the blink of an eye. That thought is exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.

So, for the next 10 days (or however long we have...), I promise two things:

1. I'm going to try my hardest to minimize the freaking out from here on forward. Because regardless of my anxieties, self-doubt and fears, I know that once this little man is here, I'm going to regret this roller coaster of emotion I've been on. After all, I already know that my life would have never been complete without him.

2. I'm going to enjoy every possible second I have with Liana and Mike. After all, these are our last days as a family of three. These are the last days that Liana doesn't have to share her attention with a new baby. These are the last days I get to soak her up without distractions. These are the last days that my husband and I will get to spend each night watching tv, having a bowl of ice cream, playing footsie and holding hands without wondering when the baby is going to start crying. Yes, all of those things deserved to be enjoyed to the fullest extent possible.

Fourteen months down.... ten days to go.

I can do this. I will do this. I will do this AND I will do it with a smile on my face because I'm more excited than scared. I have to be. For everything that is and everything that is to come. <3

So I leave you with this:

Here's to knowing that God's timing is perfect. That He doesn't make mistakes. That He'll make sure my heart is ready when it's time to meet this baby.

Ten more days little man. Ten more days. :)