Love Letters.

Liana Grace,

Any day now, we're expecting your little brother to enter into this world and officially become a member of our family. Before he does, there are some things I've been wanting to tell you.

Liana, you changed my world in a way I could have never imagined. In July 2008, when that pregnancy stick showed a positive result, I knew that life was about to be very, very different. You weren't something we had planned on but I knew instantly that God had given you to us for a reason beyond my understanding. I knew that some way, some how, you were meant for me. I was beyond excited at everything you would hold for me and daddy.

Those nine months of pregnancy seemed to crawl by as I so anxiously awaited meeting you. There was nothing I wanted more than to finally hold you in my arms, look into your eyes, and see what your daddy and I had created. To see what a product of our love truly looked like. To see everything we had worked towards come to fruition. I only remember a few moments of fear during those nine months as most of the time, nothing but peace was within my heart. I knew deep down you were going to be perfect. I knew you were going to be my angel here on earth.

And boy, you sure haven't disappointed.

I remember so vividly those hours before you entered this world. I remember the pains, the anticipation, the excitement of knowing I was so close to meeting you. I remember the moment you left my body... I remember the fear that engulfed me for the 30 minutes they wouldn't let me hold you.... I remember the overwhelming emotion of seeing your daddy hold you for the first time before I even got a chance to.

Bringing you home, things finally started to feel real. It wasn't just daddy and I anymore.... there were three to this equation. You brought daddy and I closer in a way we couldn't have imagined. There were some hard times that first year as we learned to balance individuality, marriage, and parenthood. There were times when I wasn't sure we were cut out to do this together. But the thing is, nothing was about "us" anymore. It had become about you. You glued us together in a way no one else could.... you made us a family.

While we're speaking of daddy, let me tell you the ways in which you changed him. You showed me a whole new side to the man I so long ago fell in love with. A side only you could have brought out, being our first born. The way in which you adore him and the way in which he adores you... well, that's something incredible. It's a sight to be seen. Honestly, it makes my heart beat a little faster and makes me love him a whole lot deeper. The man I had always hoped he'd be is wrapped up in you. Being a father to you is such a natural part of his soul... if there's anything in this world he does to near-perfection, it's being your daddy. He is everything I ever wanted my children to have in a father. If I could only give you two things in this world, one would be for you to always know how deeply I love you and the other would be a daddy who is everything and more than you need. He fulfills that in every way I had ever hoped he would.

Liana Grace, it's been two years, six months, and twenty four days since you came into this world.

And with each passing day, I fall more in love with you.

You are the most remarkable child I've ever met and yes, I realize that I'm completely biased. But those moments where you take my breath away? They're what I live for. I find so much joy wrapped up in seeing you grow into the person you'll someday be. While there are days when I desperately need "me" time, the moment you're gone I miss you to my core. My heart aches for you. I feel more lonely, more empty and less like myself which is ironic seeing as the very thing I was searching for by taking time away from you was "me". I wonder what you're doing and if you're missing me too. (Usually, you aren't!)

There are so many things I adore about you, Liana. The way you reach for my hand when we're walking in public places or as soon as you realize that we're in a parking lot. The way in which it so perfectly melts into mine. The way that you find comfort with mommy in a way no one else can provide. I'm the one you seek when you're hurt. When you need an "owie" kissed. You fit into this lap of mine like a missing puzzle piece. I love the way you show your love... you give the most amazing hugs and kisses. They just melt me to my core and I hope I never forget how it feels in my heart to have your arms wrapped around this neck of mine. I beam with pride over seeing you succeed and the fact that when you do, you beam with pride too. You are such a sensitive little soul who feels the pain of those around you.... much like your mama does. We're emotional creatures, you and me. This may not suit us well during your teenage years but for now, it's a good thing. It's something I'm proud of you for. I like being the mama of the little girl who goes to comfort others and say, "Are you okay?" in that kind-hearted voice of yours. I love your adventurous spirit.... even though it sometimes causes me panic.

Liana, I love every single thing that makes you, you.

Yes, there are moments of struggle. Because just as you're emotional like me, you can also be stubborn like me. And impatient like me. This causes for rifts at least once a day, usually when I need you to listen and you decide to run the other way instead or better yet, completely ignore me. Often times, you're too smart for your own good. Oh, and lets not forget the manipulation tactics you employ when it comes to getting what you want. You have this pout that you smear across your face when you want something you know you shouldn't have. As much as I hate to admit this, it works just about every time. I'm such a sucker for you and so is everyone else. Worse yet, you know it.

Sometime in the next week our lives as we know it will be turned upside down by the arrival of your new baby brother. I worry about how this will effect you. I worry that you'll struggle with now having to share the attention you're so used to getting from mommy, daddy, and everyone else. I worry that you'll feel left out and maybe even resentful.

But here's the thing.... this little boy is your brother. Just as much as we wanted him for ourselves, we wanted him for you too. We wanted you to have a sibling you could walk through life with. Someone who knew you from (almost) start to finish. Someone that was yours. Someone who saw the best and worst parts of you but always loved you just the same.

My heart prays that you and your brother will grow up as best friends. He may not always handle things the same way you do and he may not always be interested in the same things you are because, well, boys are different creatures than us girls are. Regardless of this, my heart begs that you two love each other just the same because I know that the two of you can make each others lives better just by being in them.

In the mean while, I'm beyond excited to see you transform into a big sister. I know that while the initial transition may be a bit bumpy for all of us, you are going to love your little brother to the core. Much like daddy and I were forever changed for the better when you came along, I believe whole-heartedly that you'll be forever changed in the same way once your brother does. I can't wait to see you love on him and shower him with your kisses and your concern. To be "mommy's little helper". I can't wait for daddy and I to have special outings with our little girl and to see your eyes light up during those moments in which you have us all to yourself again.

Sweet girl, I need you to know a few last things before I go....

You are my world. Being my first born, you were the one to set me on this journey and make me a mommy. You changed not only my heart, but my soul. You have been my best and most important teacher because before you, I never knew what life was really about. I never knew how deeply and truly I could love another person. I never knew what it felt like to have my heart walking around outside of my body. I never knew that fear could be so pervasive... so terrifying... so paralyzing. But I also never knew how joyful my life could be and how everything I ever wanted could be wrapped up in one little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl.

I love you peanut. Thank you for being you and making me, me.

~ Mama ~

_____________________________

Dear Michael,

Wow.... where has the time gone?

Nearly eleven years ago, I fell in love with a boy. He was sweet.... charming.... sensitive.... and even then, I knew he was everything I would someday want in a husband. For that reason, I held on to him tightly and refused to let go. Thankfully, he never made me.

After five and a half years of dating, we got married. There were periods of time leading up to July 1st, 2006 that I wasn't sure we would make it. Equally so, there have been periods of time following July 1st, 2006 that I wasn't sure we would make it. I knew marriage wouldn't be easy.... I had grown up seeing just how much work it could take. Somehow though, I still had little understanding as to just how hard it could be.... a feeling that I think you've felt, too.

You and I have grown up together in many ways. We've seen each other slowly transform into the people we are today. We've been by each others side through thick and thin. I often think about the blessing God bestowed upon us when he brought us together at such a young age... not many couples can say they've experienced all the things we've experienced together.

High school. College. Friendships made and friendships broken. Being there for each other as we tried to figure out who we were as not only individuals, but as a couple. We've experienced life's heartaches together as well as life's joys. We've helped each other up every time one of us has fallen down. We've known each other from the ages of 16 to 28.... a span of time that has included some of our most formidable years. We've been there for each other as we've stumbled and succeeded... individually and as a couple.

You and I, we've been through a lot together.

But there is no one in this world I would've rather done so with.

I remember back to our first two years of marriage. How simple things were back then. How easy it was and how idealistic it felt. The one thing I wanted most out of life was a marriage and a family of my own. You gave me that. I was on cloud nine for those first two years because every night, we came home to each other. It really was that easy.

And then, things slowly became more complicated. Suddenly everything wasn't so easy. We worked different shifts. We bought a house. We accrued responsibility. We had a baby. We were forced to balance a number of different balls in the air... often all at once... while trying to keep any one of them from falling to the ground.

But still, there's no one I would've rather had my life become more complicated with.

These last three years have been the years in which we've seen the most growth. In each other, in our marriage, in our family. We've experienced some stumbling points but made it beyond each one stronger than we were before.

Michael, what a blessing you've been to my life.

Do you know how much I love you? I think it often gets lost in translation through the day-to-day chaos that our life has become these past few years. And as we await the birth of our little boy and become a family of four, I worry that this feeling of things being "lost in translation" won't soon get better.

Realistically, I'm not sure how to express in words just how much I love you but I hope you feel the depth of my words when I say it. Because I.Love.You.

I love you for the man that you are. You have worked so hard to make this life for us. To give me the things that I've always wanted. I love you for being patient and kind when I've deserved far less. I love you for trying to understand me when I don't even understand myself. I love the way that you bring me back to reality when I lose touch with it. I love the way you step up to the plate when I need to step away from it. I love you for continuing to try and learn how to be a better husband.... father.... son.... brother.... friend. I love you for the drastic differences we share and the way we balance each other out. Our relationship has been the perfect example of how opposites attract and while sometimes we struggle with this reality, I'm more thankful for it than anything else. I love you for the way in which you put up with me lecturing you about money.... but you still don't say a word when I indulge in something for myself or Liana. I love the way you fall asleep next to me at night and how (I think) we both feel like that's the one point to every day in which we finally reconnect. I love how sincere your "I love you's" are and when you say them, I can feel those words to my core. I love how you come home and give me a kiss.... even if I'm a crazy mess. I love how you're always okay with cooking dinner.... though I'm not okay when you nit-pick mine. ;) I love when I get an unexpected text or email that simply says, "I love you." It shows that you're thinking about me when I least expect it.

More than anything, I need you to know how much I love you when it comes to being a daddy.

Seeing you with Liana makes my heart absolutely melt. There is nothing sexier or more attractive than a man who can be everything his little girl needs him to be, just when she needs it most. I listen as you put her to bed and say prayers with her and I'm overwhelmed with emotion. When I'm having a weak parenting moment and you step up to the plate, I'm thankful beyond words. I love looking out the kitchen window after you get home from work to see you running around the backyard with her and Moose. I love that your a little kid in big kid clothes... though it makes me a little crazy when you don't use your big kid head and someone, usually Liana, gets hurt when things get a little out of hand. ;)

I love that you challenge her in ways that help her grow. I love how you make her world fun. I love how she says your name like you're her prince charming. I love how excited she gets when you come home from work each night. I love the way you man-handle her in ways I can't.... after all, she must get that physical energy from you because she certainly doesn't get it from me. I love how much you love her and how I can see that love in your eyes. I love how I can see that she's changed you, too.... into a better man, a better husband, a better daddy.

I love how you are everything she deserves and more. That's the only thing I ever wanted  from you when it came to being a parent and you've certainly delivered.

As importantly as anything else, I love that I know she'll always be in good hands with you. That you'll move mountains for her. That should anything ever happen to me, she'll be okay because she has you.

I love that soon, we'll have a little boy in this house. I love that in all the same ways you've been a remarkable daddy to Liana, you'll be a remarkable daddy to our son. I love that just as Liana has made me feel complete, I think you'll feel complete too. While you struggled with the newborn stage when Liana was born, I have this feeling you're going to do a lot better the second time around because you'll be able to see the rainbow through the rain. I can't wait to see you become a daddy of two. My gut says you'll do better with two than I will. :)

Michael, I may not say it enough, but please know that regardless of how crazy our days are (or how crazy your wife may be).... I love you with everything in me. I'm so proud of the man you've become. We may not have it all together.... individually or as a couple... but together we have it all.

~ Haley ~