Favorite days.

It's official: March 24th is my favorite day of the year. 

Thanksgiving comes in 2nd, July 1st comes in 3rd, Christmas comes in 4th, and July 4th comes in last (but certainly not least).

Today, my heart is beaming.... just as it was one year ago today, the day Liana Grace finally entered our world and left my belly.

 

Where has the year gone? It's flown by in the blink of an eye... something I was prepared for but didn't fully believe until this past weekend.

These past 12 months have changed my heart. My world. I've never felt happier than I do when I look into Liana's eyes or push her wispy blonde hair out of them. I've never felt like my life had more purpose. Rocking her to sleep at night brings a closure to my day that I never knew I needed but now can't live without. Singing "You are my Sunshine" never meant so much and the words never seemed so literal. Thanking God for my blessings in life never came from a deeper place in my heart than it does now and begging God to keep my family happy and healthy never brought me to my knees like it does now. It's no longer just a prayer - it's a plea.

 

I can't imagine what my life would be like without my little girl. She's too ingrained in it to go back now. I've never driven so quickly to get home at the end of the day (shhh.... don't tell Mike. Or the Michigan State Police.) because walking around that corner in the kitchen and having her see me and squeal and flash a smile as big as her cheeks will allow melts me to my core. While there are days I'd kill to accomplish a few errands or get things done without a baby.... errr, toddler... in tow, when it comes down to it, I usually choose to take her along with me or not go at all. My moments with her are too precious and my heart can't seem to leave her behind.

 

And each time I do, I miss her a ridiculous amount. Whether I'm gone for an hour or 10, I miss her every minute I'm away. I think of her constantly. I wonder what she's doing and if she's having fun. I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her. And when people see my binder while I'm working (the one that's adorned with her photos), I show them my little girl with pride.

 

 

In just a matter of 52 weeks, my life has been turned upside down in the best way possible. 

There were things I thought I knew in life that I've now realized I knew nothing about. 

There were parts of me I thought would never change that have. The person I once thought I was no longer exists.... and I wouldn't take her back for anything.

This past weekend we celebrated Liana's 1st birthday with our closest friends and family. 

While preparing for the party, I made a slideshow of Liana's 1st year set to some of my favorite songs that remind me of her. (I'd upload it, but it's 25 minutes long and it'd take me hours. Sorry!) While doing so I couldn't get over one thing: I barely remember the baby she came home from the hospital as. Those first few days and weeks were such a blur and while I tried to pay better attention during the summer, even those months are a blur. But you know, it's not because I wasn't paying attention.... it's because during those first 6 months, Liana changed every day. She still changes every day. But these days, I go into her room each morning and find a closer version to the baby I put to bed the night before than I did those first few months. I see pictures of her at 2 days, 2 weeks, 12 weeks and say "Who is that baby?! Did I know her?!" Yes, I did. But she's not the same little girl I know and love now. 

This little girl is so much more.

 

More fun. More smiley. More entertaining. More independent. More giggly. More lovey. More excitable. More adventurous. More mobile.

She's more of a big girl and less of a baby. She captivates me these days.... watching her explore her world and take everything in fills me with joy.

Kate forewarned me on Saturday that the night before Liana's birthday would be an emotional one. But for me, the emotions were there on Saturday night and Sunday instead. 

Today, I'm happy. Saturday, as I rocked her to sleep after a long day of celebrating, I cried. 

Actually, I wept as quietly as I could so I wouldn't upset an almost-asleep baby.

For me, the emotions came from the fact that my "baby" was now my "toddler". It has occurred to me before but I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that with each day that passes, Liana becomes more independent of me. I miss the days when we were all she needed. I also couldn't get past the fact that the little girl I brought home from the hospital was now so different and had grown so quickly. For a brief second, I looked up from holding her and saw an 8 year old Liana standing in front of me. I'm not ready for my little girl to grow up yet!!!

But, such is life. And while I wish she could stay 11 months and 4 weeks forever (because in all truthfulness, I love the age she's at now.... even if it is, ahem, a full year old), I know that even better times are to come. I can't tell you how excited I am for this summer when we're able to go to the zoo and walk together, holding hands. Or go to the park and swing. Or go to the beach and play in the sand. Just as 12 months is wonderful and full of excitement and adventure, I know that's only going to get better at 18 months, 2 years, 3 years, etc. My heart soars when it thinks of the adventures we'll share and the memories we'll make.

She's my little buddy. My favorite little person in the whole wide world. And trust me, she knows it. :)

 

On Sunday morning, I couldn't get myself to leave the house for work. I told Mike, "All I want to do is throw on a hoodie and snuggle with Liana all day." But, work was calling... no, screaming... my name. On my drive downtown I called my mom. And as I tearfully explained to her my reaction the night before ("Mom, I'm not ready for my baby to be one yet!"), I suddenly related to her in a way I hadn't expected to. She told me that as the years pass, the time goes faster and faster. She told me that she remembers my first birthday party like it was just yesterday. (Not what I wanted to hear, but something I needed to hear.)  And she reassured me that better days are still to come.

My mom, without actually having to say so, told me to stop being a sissy and soak this time up.

And I listened.

So today, on Liana's first birthday, I'm soaking her dry. She's drowning in kisses and cuddles (the ones she'll actually let me have). She's getting spoiled rotten. I'm digging her giggles and smiles. And we're both loving every moment of it.

So yes, March 24th is my new favorite day. I know that I'll have other dates to add to that list someday that will tie it for 1st place (as no "good mommy" has a favorite child!), but for now, it's #1 all by itself. March 24th is the day my world became more joyful, the day Liana was born. And for the rest of my life, it's a day I'll celebrate as "The day that changed everything".

Before leaving my page, check the "birthday ticker" at the top of the page. I noticed it today too.... just one more thing to make this mama's heart smile.

Happy 1st Birthday Liana Grace! I love you to the moon and back!