Counting my blessings.

I passed a church sign the other day while driving around for work that read, "Don't count your problems. Count your blessings."

I have a confession.... I've been quite guilty lately of counting the problems in my life and ignoring the blessings.

In my defense, I've had a lot going on. I've been stressed for say, the past year. Not always, but much of the time and for many different reasons. Reasons like:

1. I'm beating a dead horse by saying it again but.... Lukas hasn't been the easiest of babies. He's progressively gotten better every day but he's still quite demanding and he's still not sleeping through the night most nights (only now its thanks to teething). Not that Liana's always a peach either. :)
2. Selling our home. Choosing to build. Living in limbo. The financial and subsequently emotional stress it all causes.
3. Changing jobs. Getting used to a new team and a new "everyday".
4. Adjusting to a new "normal" when it comes to daycare. Having to put my children into the hands of someone other than family for the first time ever. Dealing with the emotional effects it has had on Liana.
5. And most recently, some significant stress within my family which I'm not quite ready to talk about here.

I won't lie, most days for the past year have felt like a battle. Of course there are gleaming moments of glory, like seeing your kids get along and actually play together rather than beat each other up.  But in between those moments there are a dozen other ones where you feel like you're going to pull your hair out.

Moments like:
"Lukas, get out of the trash can!" (He always goes right back.)
"Liana, be nice to your brother!" (Things only change for a moment.)
"No Liana, you may NOT have another drink/snack/movie/whatever." (And yet she keeps asking.)
"Liana, we don't say that word. It's not nice." (Insert complete and utter embarrassment here.)
"Lukas, get out of the toilet!" (One of his favorite spots for mischief.)
"Stop running/jumping in the house!" (It feels like an earthquake in here as they charge through the house.)
"Why are you yelling? I'm not deaf!" (The noise level is deafening. Always.)
"Be gentle with that!" (As they bash one thing into something else. Over and over.)
"Liana, those are Lukas's toys too!" (But she continues to steal them away. And he cries.)
"What are you crying for?!" (Someone always is.)
"I told you to slow down!" (As they lay on the floor, injured and crying.)
"Lukas, I can't hold you right now. Mommy needs just a minute to make dinner/a phone call/clean up/get ready/etc etc etc." (After JUST putting that little 24 lb body down.)
"Liana, don't be sassy!" (Oh the lip on this child. I'm in so much trouble.)
"Liana, you need to listen to me! I said no!" (Selective hearing at age 3. Yep, totally screwed.)
"Why are you WHINING?!?" (Seriously, the whining is never ending. And exhausting.)

And all this in the midst of my other "stressors". One stress piled on top of another, and another, and sometimes another makes for one unhappy Haley.

I've been in a bit of a funk for a while now. Not a my-life-totally-sucks kind of funk but the kind of funk where if things don't go "just right", I would find myself stressed and overwhelmed by everything that had been piled on my plate. And lets face it... most days, everything doesn't go "just right." Life just doesn't seem to work that way. Last week was no exception. Thanksgiving really threw me for a loop this year (not in a good way) and I was just straight up pissy everyday afterwards.

But then I passed that church sign and as I drove by, I couldn't help but feel like it was meant to be there for ME to see. Almost instantly, I felt something shift inside me.

I realized that I was looking at things backwards.

Yes, life is full of problems. Mine is definitely no exception to that rule.

But more importantly, my life is FULL of blessings.

How could I be so selfish as to look at my life and see all the problems but not see through those problems to the blessings?

Hello, reality check. Apparently I needed you. Thanks for finally showing up.

Since then, I feel like much of the weight has been lifted off my chest.

I've been a better mother. One who looks at her children differently. One who knows how big of a miracle they are and that they make my world whole. I soak up their smiles, their laughter, their hugs (we've had a lot of them lately) and the way they feel in my arms or at my side. I want to be better for them.

I've been a better wife. Well, Mike would have to be the true judge of that but I know I'm trying. Because I love him. He's my rock. He puts up with my temper tantrums and still holds me when I finally let myself break down. He's not perfect and neither am I but somehow I think we're still perfect for each other.

I'm trying to take each day as it comes. Sometimes, I have to take each minute as it comes. I'm trying not to let myself get worked up over what might happen tomorrow because then I don't get to experience today.

I'm not naive enough to think that I won't have days where my problems feel like they outweigh my blessings.

But regardless of how I feel in those moments, there's one thing I know for sure....

I've been blessed. So, so blessed. I have two beautiful kids who light up my world and a husband that loves me during even my darkest days.

No amount of frustration or stress can take that away from me unless I let it.

I won't let it.

And I have other blessings, too. Blessings like being able to work part time and still have the life I always hoped for. Loving my job. Being able to build our own home. My family and my friends, who bless me every day in one way or another.

So while I may be a little late this year on my Thanksgiving post, it's for good reason. I may have been feeling a little lost in the chaos of my life but that sign, it was like a compass pointing me back in the right direction.

So this year, in addition to my other blessings, I'm thankful for God sending me a compass just when I needed it and in a way only He could.