I keep remembering back to when Liana was this age. Back then, it felt like my time with her crept by. Now, I can't believe my little boy is almost half a year old already and it feels like if time doesn't slow down (which we all know won't happen), my baby will be a toddler in the blink of an eye.
I think I'm especially aware of how fleeting these moments are with Lukas because Mike and I don't think we'll be having any more kids. We feel like our family is balanced how it is and while I always thought I'd want three, I'm finding that I'm more than content with the two that I have. Plus, there's a lot of benefits to sticking with two.... including a foreseeable end to sleepless nights, no more pregnancy discomforts, no more teething or reflux and many other reasons. :)
Having come to this conclusion, I'm trying to soak up every ounce of babyhood I can with Lukas. I do things like take notice of how it feels to pick up his tiny body and carry it around on my hip. How it feels to have him lay his head against my chest or my shoulder. How he fits against me just right while I'm feeding him. I'm not as eager to let him grow up as I was with Liana... hence the reason we still haven't started him on any solids yet and I've barely started practicing new skills (like sitting up) with him. The way I figure it, the longer he can stay a baby, the longer I'll be able to have one. It may be selfish but I'm in no rush for this time of my life to pass me by.
Lukas is still waking up at least twice every night and while this was weighing on me for a while around 4 months, I've decided that I'm not ready to "do" anything about it. We tried to let him "cry it out" one night and after two hours of screaming, called it quits. I just couldn't do it, especially knowing that our little boy has had so many tummy issues since birth and I can't just ignore him when he might actually be hurting. So rather than lament over it, I've just accepted it for what it is. Mike and I have decided to "divide and conquer" so we each take one night time feeding. This makes things much easier for me but I know Mike still struggles with the fact that Lukas isn't sleeping through the night yet. We'll get there.... it'll just take some more time.
As of last week, Lukas weighed 16lbs 2oz and was 26 inches long. He's a giant... at least compared to how his sister was at this age! Considering all the feeding issues we've had, I'm impressed the kid has grown as well as he has. We found out two weeks ago that he's lactose intolerant which explains just about all the other issues we've had. Since three weeks old, it's been one digestive issue after another and he was a pretty miserable baby for such a long time. Now we know why. Since finding this out, we've switched formulas (we were supplementing on the days I worked and breastfeeding on the days I didn't) and things have turned around almost completely. In addition, Lukas decided this past weekend that he was no longer interested in breastfeeding and as I was getting ready to wean anyways, I just went with it. While I loved breastfeeding, it just didn't love my baby. He'd spit up twice as much which would make him twice as irritable. My supply was barely enough so it seemed as though he was never full, making it impossible to get him into a good schedule. I already deeply miss it and miss that bond with Lukas but in the grand scheme of things, I'm happier with a happier baby.
Lukas would still prefer to be held and walked most of the time but he's gotten much better about letting us put him down. He loves his exersaucer and we just pulled his jumparoo out of the basement tonight. When I lay him on the floor he loves to roll around and look at everything around the room. While he easily rolls from tummy to back, he still hasn't mastered rolling from back to tummy but we are close. Much like Liana did, he hates tummy time so the minute I lay him on his belly, he either rolls over or screams bloody murder.
During the past two weeks of incredibly warm weather, we quickly found out that Lukas loves to be outdoors. He loves to look around and see all the new and different things that surround him. Mike mowed the lawn for the first time last week (in March!?!?) and Lukas fell asleep in my arms to the sound of it. I see many days of us sitting and playing outside this summer.
He's been on a few overnights to Nana and Papa's house now and while he seems to do fine, I can tell that I am missed while he's gone. It melts my heart to see that smile on his face when he sees me again and I can feel the way he relaxes once he realizes that his mama is back with him. While I sleep so much better when he's away, my arms feel incredibly empty when he's not just in the next room. On the nights that both kids are gone, I find myself not knowing what to do with all the "me" time.
Lukas continues to adore his sister as she continues to adore him. Their bond keeps getting better and better.... she's so sweet and caring towards him that my heart tells me they'll be the best of friends. After all, how could he not love a sister like her?! His eyes follow her as she moves through the room and I can tell he feels a little lost without her when she's not home because the instant she returns, he lights up at the sight of her.
Right now, our primary focus is on trying to figure out some kind of a schedule that works for us and for Lukas. His eating and sleeping is sporatic during the day (and night) to the point that Mike and I still feel like we're constantly guessing as to what he needs/wants. It's frustrating to say the least but I do feel like we're making some progress. He's consistently taking three naps a day - one in the morning, one at 12:30 (when Liana goes down.... mama needs that "me" time!), and one sometime before dinner. He's in bed by 8pm every night and usually wakes for his first feeding around 12:30. I feel like once we get more of a schedule figured out, particularly a feeding schedule, other things will start to fall into place. Life can only get better from there. :)
We still have bad days around here, but now they're much fewer and farther between. For that, I am thankful.
Despite some of the hardships, I'm so madly in love with this little boy of mine. I never saw my life with a little boy in it but now, I can't imagine my life without him.
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| The many emotions of Lukas.... This one is my favorite. :) |
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| His getup for his sister's birthday party! |
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