Blessed.

(So, as I promised.....)

Mike and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary just a few (that's "late speak" for eleven...) short days ago.

And my did five years sneak up on us quickly.

The past few years, as each anniversary came and went, I simply thought "We've been married ____ years now." Like it was no big deal.

But this year? This year was a biggie. Maybe not such a big deal to someone whose been married longer than this, but to us, yes. Just as I'm sure that 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, and so on will also feel like a big deal, 5 years felt like a very big deal.

How did we get here so fast?

I'll tell you how. Day by day and sometimes, hour by hour.

I often talk with my mom or my closest of friends about how naive I was when Mike and I got married. I honestly thought it would be a cakewalk. I remember thinking all throughout college, "someday, he'll come home to ME at the end of every day and that will make everything alright" (referring to all the time he spends at work and hockey). I used to long for the simpleness of just having him next to me as I fell asleep at night and it still amazes me that on the nights where I did have that, it actually made everything okay.

Soon after we married, that was no longer the case. I wanted more of him for myself and less of him for "other" things.

It's amazing how things change. And sometimes so quickly.

Over the past five years, we've had more ups than downs.... thankfully. But the worst of the downs were pretty deep down just as the best of the highs were incredibly high. I've realized just how hard marriage truly is and how it's nothing like the cakewalk I once thought it'd be. It takes more energy than I have to give some days, in all honesty. But somehow, Mike and I persevere. We keep working until our fingers are figuratively bleeding and we don't think we can take anymore. We trudge through the mucky times and always seem to find ourselves back on track.

And I attribute that reality to four things:
1. I love the man to my core.
2. He's the father of my children.
3. He's the most patient person I've ever met.
4. We always find ourselves meeting halfway because we've realized along this process that winning means someone else has to lose. Losing hurts. And neither of us wants to see the other one hurt.

My husband is my rock. He's my stability. He's the man I always dreamed of marrying.... except for the fact that he's not ridiculously wealthy. (Maybe someday?!) He's patient which is not always one of my best virtues so it balances us out. He doesn't yell at me or talk down to me.... despite the fact that I don't always show him the same respect. (I'm still a work in progress, too.) He comes home to me at the end of every day and regardless of how stressed he is or what his day has been like, he pitches right in and gives me the time I need for myself. He's funny, charming and everyone's friend. Best of all and most importantly, he's an amazing daddy. I can visibly see how much he loves her and how much he already loves our little man. And that, well that makes me fall in love with him all over again.

But we are two very different people, from two very different families, who handle things two very different ways most of the time.

I'm impatient, hot-tempered, and have high expectations for not only those around me, but myself as well. I'm both selfish and selfless, if you can make sense of that, and each to a fault at times.

I'm an imperfect person, as is he.

We joke around all the time about his arrogance because the guy thinks he's God's gift to this earth. He's not always the most considerate.... though I have to say, I've seen drastic improvements on this front just in the past few months. And at times, he's selfish.... but like I said, at times so am I.

I won't lie.... these differences cause rifts between us more often than I'd like.

But these differences are also something I've come to appreciate. Together, we make a great team. We balance each other out. We keep each other in line. We help each other grow and we're patient with each other as we do. (Well, for the most part!) If it weren't for these differences, we'd be of the same personality types living under one roof.... and I doubt one of us would make it out alive. ;)

Years four and five of our marriage have definitely been the hardest. Four was full of external losses while five was full of internal ones. Losing our baby during our fifth year placed a strain on our marriage I didn't quite expect as we quickly realized how differently we grieved. But also during our fifth year, we found the joy in knowing that another baby would welcome this family of ours. While things remain uneasy on that front at times, we are worlds above where found ourselves just six months ago.

Upon our fifth anniversary we are Excited. Whole. Happy. Committed. Reassured. Joyful. Thankful.

And yes, still In Love.

But this isn't the same "in love" we felt back when we were so much younger. This is a deep love, a matured love, an unconditional love. That was black.... this is white.

Last night, as we laid in bed before going to sleep, Mike turned away from the tv, looked at me and said something along the lines of, "Haley, I really love this life we've made together." All I could say in return was "So do I babe. So do I."

We've come so far in five years. We've completed college together. We've managed a household together. We've bought a house. We've traveled... though minimally. We've both worked hard at jobs we find great fulfillment in. We've built a family that's ours and in the process watched each other grow into not only the roles of husband/wife, but of mommy/daddy, too.

My heart tells me that these past two years and all the struggles we've endured are now a part of our past. I have great confidence in knowing that as we continue to move forward together, things will only get better and we will only become more fulfilled in this marriage that we've both worked so hard at.

Sure, tough times will come. I'm no longer naive to that fact.

But Mike and I have a better understanding of each other these days.

And the foundation for that understanding is the fact that no matter what, we're in this for the long haul. Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, so long as we both shall live.... just as we promised in our wedding vows.

Michael Anthony, I love you. More than I may ever be able to say but as much as I hope you know. I can't wait to experience life with you and all it still has in store for us.

God has blessed me by putting you at my side. There's a lot of things I'm unsure of in this world but that's certainly not one of them.

Happy 5th Anniversary babe.

From then....

  

To now.