Anticipation.

Four more sleeps. Three more days. One more work day. 87 more hours. 5,220 minutes.

Until Monday at 2pm arrives. Our "big day".... the day we find out if this baby is a) healthy, and b) a sweet little boy or girl.

The anticipation is killing me.

Back in November 2008, I was almost this excited to find out whether my "motherly intuition" was right and whether Liana was in fact a little girl like I thought or whether we were having a boy. (Kind of crazy sidenote.... I just realized that we had that ultrasound for Liana on November 3rd. The same date this baby of ours is due. Insert heart swoon here. <3) But this time around, I'm anticipating this ultrasound even more for a few different reasons. First, my "motherly intuition" isn't nearly as certain as it was the last time I did this so I'm just desperate to know. For the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy, I kind of felt we were having a girl. Now, I kind of feel like we're having a boy. (Note the "kind of's" to those sentences.) Either way, I'll be thrilled. Honestly. Second, I'm anticipating this ultrasound even more than Liana's because with Liana's, I was naive. I didn't realize that I might go into that room and come out with anything other than good news. I didn't realize how much joy AND pain had been felt within those four walls. So, I'm desperate for two things: to know whether our munchkin has one Y chromosome or two X's and to hear those sweet, sweet words that so far, everything looks just as it should.

I plan on sharing the results of our visit sometime Monday evening. So don't be alarmed if you don't hear anything from me within those first few hours. :)

Thankfully, we've got a lot of busyness leading up to our "big day". I'm working tomorrow and on call both tomorrow and Sunday nights which always leaves me feeling a little anxious. (There's something about knowing that your pager could go off at 11 pm, or 3 am, or both, that leaves me on edge. Can you blame me?) Thankfully, I ended up getting my on-call night for Saturday off (thank you Brenda! You're my savior!) so that I can attend our 10 year high school reunion without having to worry that the $20 ticket I purchased will go to waste when my pager goes off and I have to leave for work. While I think it'll be nice to catch up with some of the people I graduated high school with another part of me feels that facebook has ruined the whole concept of having a reunion in the first place. I love facebook, but I already feel like I know everything about most of the people I'll be seeing there! As a result, Mike and I had an incredibly difficult time deciding if we even wanted to attend and I'm still on the line about the whole thing. Hopefully if nothing else, it'll turn into a nice evening out for Mike and I. Can't complain about that, right?!

Today marked 19 weeks that this little bun of ours has been cooking. While those first 12 weeks seemed to creep by, these last seven have flown. I can't believe we're so close to finding out and that we're already halfway to meeting this new little bundle of joy. This pregnancy has been SO different than my pregnancy with Liana.... and no, that's not why I think we're having a boy because I know people who've had all girls/boys and had each of their pregnancies be TOTALLY different. While I don't feel any bigger this time around than I did with Liana (well, there are moments when I feel like a whale already, but overall it feels the same), I definitely look different. It's amazing how your body changes after the first baby and how the second time that belly takes shape, it doesn't feel as "cute" as it did the first time.

I've been waiting anxiously for about 2 weeks to start feeling little pokes and kicks and this past Sunday, at 18 weeks 4 days, I felt those first kicks. It was amazing. There were a few of them right in a row and then again later that night. Since then, I haven't felt any kicks but I have felt some movement. Nothing is more reassuring to this heart of mine than to feel this little one moving around inside me. It's God's way of telling me, "See? Everything's okay. Stop worrying all the time." I'm trying, really, I am.

Life feels good right now. Lots of joy. Lots of exhaustion (the good kind that can only mean this baby is growing!). Lots of love. Lots of excitement. Lots of contentment. Lots of peace in this heart of mine which is something I've been waiting a while for.

So stay tuned. For what I hope and pray is only more good news to come.