Kickin' it with The Kadzban's: Goodbye March.

So, I realize I haven't written in quite some time, but life around the Kadzban household has been pure chaos.

March consisted of planning for baby showers (one of which has since been canceled per mama's request), one second birthday, taking my Licensing exam (which I passed!), all the while working and taking care of one very demanding and opinionated child.

Simply put, March has been exhausting. However, it hasn't all been in vain and for the most part, it's maintained it's status of first place for my favorite month (because of said birthday, of course!). However, I am not disappointed to see it go.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure April will be any less busy. Mike's gone this weekend, leaving me here with Liana alone. Many mama's do the single parenting bit every day without raising a fuss but I eagerly anticipate that moment each day that Mike walks through the doors. He's my respite. I can finally breathe and take care of myself a little once he's home.... something I'm forever grateful for. So needless to say, I'm pretty anxious about this weekend. The following weekend, I'm helping to throw Jessie her first baby shower. The third weekend of the month will be spent working and on-call. The fourth weekend will be my only "free" weekend but will quickly get filled up with Easter get-togethers, I'm sure. On top of all of this, I may be picking up some extra hours at work which isn't necessarily bad, but will only further drain me of the energy I'm already lacking.

I'm just ready for some calm in my life.

With that being said, I know things could always be much, much worse. And for that, I'm extremely thankful.

We had a big week over here last week as our little Liana turned TWO on Thursday. Can you believe it?! Honestly, I can barely believe it myself. However, I've got a new reality that reminds me almost hourly that my peanut is now two....

A reality that consists of lots of tears. Lots of tantrums. Lots of opinions. Lots of frustration.

Today, for example, I'm completely fried. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It's been a rough one, that's for sure!

I caught myself driving this afternoon... in silence, of course, because I was alone in the car.... and thinking, "I remember thinking how hard it was to have a newborn. This is easily 10x harder."

I feel like I can't do anything right anymore unless it involves giving her snacks (ie: goldfish crackers) at any hour of the day, a paci whenever she feels the need to have it, or juice whenever she gets thirsty. Not to mention that when she wants to watch Mickey or Baby Einstein and I tell her no, it doesn't go over very well. Distraction used to work wonders for this kid but unfortunately, no more. I cannot tell you how many times in the past week I've had to walk away and just let her cry because realistically, I know there's nothing I can do to soothe her besides giving her what she wants. Sorry kid, but getting everything you want in life is not a part of reality!!! It'd be easy to cave and just give her what she wants but then I'd be creating a monster. That's the hardest part of this stage in parenting.... what I do now will affect everything from here on out. There's no more "going with your gut" like I was able to do for the past 2 years. My actions now and how I respond to her behaviors will shape how she is tomorrow and ten years from now. Nothing like a little bit of pressure, right?

The paci is by far our biggest obstacle these days. She finds such great comfort in it and it makes bedtime a breeze. However, because she finds such great comfort in it, she goes looking for it every time she gets upset.... which these days is a lot. I've been pretty stern with her about only having it in the crib but there are times when I let her have it outside of the crib, like when she falls and gets hurt (which has also been happening A LOT lately!). At her two year checkup, Dr. Maki said that it's not necessary to wean her of it at this point as long as its only used in the crib. My plan has been to wean her of it near the end of the year when she can give it up in her own way, like having the "paci fairy" come to take the paci's to the other babies or put it in a teddy bear from Build a Bear. These last few days though, I've had to resist my urges to just cut the tips off. I've heard this works for a lot of mommy's because then you can't easily suck on them once the tip is cut and they'll be considered "broken" through a child's eyes. My biggest fear in doing so though is a) messing up bedtime, because God knows I need that "me" time and b) taking away something that is so comforting to her and having it leave a lasting emotional impact.

I'm not sure how to navigate these new waters that I'm in. It feels like within just the past four weeks, a flip has switched - which is exactly what my mom said happened with my sister and I. I know that "the terrible two's" are a normal part of childhood development, but I'm seriously missing my easy-going baby that was here just a little while ago. At this point, I'd be happy with just a few glimpses of that child every day.... but on days like today, there are no glimpses to be seen.

Now don't get me wrong.... every moment of this journey through motherhood is worth it. While my pumpkin is learning independence and how to verbalize her pleasure & displeasure with life, she's also learning other new things that I'm incredibly smitten by. Like affection. Oh how I love the affection! When she's not screaming at me, I see a pretty deep love for her mama in those blue eyes of hers. She continues to prefer me over just about anyone, which can be frustrating at times but overall I'm okay with. She has a new found appreciation for snuggling, something I definitely don't mind at all! She's able to engage in conversation and (usually) clearly articulate her needs & wants. She also engages more in her surroundings and is able to enjoy our outings more. For example, on her birthday we went to see the butterflies at Frederick Meijer Gardens. She had a ball running around and checking everything out! For Mike and I, it's a joyful thing to watch her curiosity and eagerness to learn bloom within her.

Twenty-four months is full of a lot of things....
Frustration. On her part and ours.
Patience. Mostly on ours. ;)
Laughter. With my child and at my child. Because she's found her sense of humor. And she thinks everything she does is funny!
Tantrums. Frequently.
Smiles. Lots of them. They still melt my heart.
Hugs. Good ones.
Learning. She's soaking everything in and now knows almost all of her colors, shapes, and animals. She repeats everything we say, so we have to be extra careful these days!!
Running. Away from us every chance she gets. Into things more often than we like. Plus, I seriously think she's forgotten how to walk. She just runs.
Accidents & injuries. As a result of all the running and her general fearlessness, she's had more "owies" this past week than she's had in the entire year before it. I've seen blood twice now and I'd be happy if I never saw it again!
Independence. "I do it." - Liana
Opinions. She knows what she wants and more importantly, what she doesn't. Feeding is now a battle..... in reality, most things are!
Snuggles. Everyone loves these, especially Mommy. :)
Disagreements. She definitely isn't a fan of the word "No"... though she uses it herself all too frequently. A little hypocritical, right?
Tears. Lots and lots of tears. Mostly from Liana but a few from Mommy as well. Making your little one unhappy by not giving them what they want is definitely tough.
Exhaustion. Mommy can only handle so many emotions in one day before she gets worn down from it all. Plus, her energy is relentless!!
Fun. Not only is she more fun all by herself, but she's able to participate in our fun.
Joyful. Because when it comes down to it, I still wouldn't give her up for anything in the world.

Realistically, I know that "the terrible two's" are just beginning and things are likely to get worse before they get better. Surprisingly, for a person with generally such little patience, I've been impressed with myself so far. I hope that patience continues and I hope that I'm up for this challenge that Liana is now presenting me with. I want to be the best I can be for her. She deserves nothing less.

Oh, how my little girl has grown. And so quickly, might I add. Two years ago, she was just a peanut in my arms and I so eagerly looked forward to watching her grow. Thankfully, not much has changed in that respect. I'm so proud to call her mine and I know that while things may get harder before they get easier (or, they may just never get easier because with each new developmental stage comes new challenges...) it'll all be well worth it. Because nothing brings this mama more joy than seeing her little girl grow and slowly become the person that she'll someday be. :)