Highs and Lows.

Well, my blogs have had a theme lately, so I may as well stick to that theme.

The good:

Being home this weekend was great. A little stressful as I was all over the place Saturday, but it was great. It's funny how normal it feels already to not be working weekends. I was driving to Lindsey's baby shower on Saturday afternoon and had to stop my thoughts for a second to recognize the fact that this was the first time in 25 months that I was able to do something on a weekend day without having to worry about "fudging my day a little" so I can "make an appearance", without having to take PTO, or simply without having to miss it all together. Yesterday, Mike and I took a trip to the mall (2 sundays in a row now... this could get dangerous!) and as we sat in the food court having lunch, he said to me "I have to say, I really like having you around on the weekends. It feels like we're spending so much time together because it's been forever since we've been able do do this kind of stuff." This comment made me smile because he's right. It's amazing how nice it is to spend whole days together, to walk the mall hand-in-hand, spontaneously go out for lunch or dinner together, or ditch Liana and go "out" on a Saturday night.

Plus, can I just say that co-parenting rocks? Last night around 5pm Mike started getting tired so I told him to go upstairs and take a nap. He looked at me like it was Christmas morning and said, "Really?!!" in that excited tone that he gets every once in a while. He didn't actually end up doing it but it was still one of those moments where it just hit us that hey, we're in this together. Love it. :)

Because this weekend was pretty busy, I have a feeling next weekend is when it'll really hit me that I'm off weekends. We have nothing scheduled other than a family Thanksgiving dinner for Mike's side on Sunday and I'm thinking about taking Liana to do this on Saturday morning at Tip Toes in Holland.

Also good? I FINALLY got to meet a long-time friend, Linda, on Friday night. I'll get into the circumstances more a little bit later as those aren't so great, but Linda has been a huge support to me for the past 2+ years over facebook and my blog(s). We started talking because Linda's husband, Jacob, was at one time like a big brother to me. His mom (hey Aunt Pam!) watched Brittany and I when we were young and definitely became like family... hence the reason I still to this day call her "Aunt" even though there's absolutely no relation. The Quist's lived just across the street from my parents and also had two girls, Katie and Abby, who were the exact ages of Brittany and I, so they became our best of friends. The Brabo's and The Quist's grew apart after a while but I found Jacob on facebook/myspace a few years back. He wasn't very good at updating his pics of their daughter Laney (surprise surprise, he's just like every other guy!) so I finally sent Linda a message explaining my relationship to the Quist's and asked her if she'd friend me so I can see more pics of Laney. From there on, I realized just how amazing Linda is. She's a strong woman of God with a faith as tough as nails.... and an amazing mom and wife. (Someone I could definitely look up to, wouldn't you say?) When I was pregnant with Liana, she walked me through those nine months and after Liana was born, she's helped walk me through the last 20 months too. She's irreplaceable which has been ironic seeing as I had never actually met her... until Friday. :)

More good? Mike and I spent a night "out" with the Prins' Saturday night. And it was fabulous, even though it was spent in a hospital room at Butterworth Hospital. (See how wild and crazy we are these days?!) Ashley, who is almost 25 weeks pregnant with twins, is on medical bedrest because the twins are incredibly high risk as they're in the same amniotic sac. Here's a science lesson for you: typically, identical twins split very early after fertilization and form their own individual amniotic sacs. However, Ashley's boys didn't split until 8 days (or so) into the pregnancy, which means the amniotic sac had already formed. Because they're in the same one, there's a high risk that the cord of one of the boys could get wrapped around the others neck. Ashley's been on bedrest since 20 weeks and went into the hospital last Wednesday at 24 weeks. The doctors plan to deliver the boys via c-section no later than 32 weeks. The nurses monitor those babies 3 times a day to make sure everything is still okay and by the grace of God, they are.

I hadn't seen Ashley since two days before my miscarriage started happening.... so it'd been three weeks. And oh how I missed that seeing that mama and her belly in person. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my Saturday night "out" than to be there with she and Erik and feel those boys kick. It seriously made my weekend. :D

Finally, I also got to see Kate this weekend too!! I've been missing her like crazy these past few weeks and even though our time together was short, it was just nice to be in the same place together. Her little one wouldn't cooperate and let me feel any kicks, so I'm glad Ashley's boys came through for me as I'm definitely living vicariously through these ladies these days. I'm really hoping that Mike and I will be making a trip to the east side over the next couple weeks to spend a full weekend with Kate and Marty. It'll be awesome. :)

The Bad:

The baby shower on Saturday was really rough. I didn't realize it until I was sitting there, in the midst of everything, that I had really hoped to be there with my own baby belly that day. Even in a room full of people, I felt really lonely and very out of place. I looked at Lindsey and Kate's bellies with full-blown jealousy because I want that. I want to feel the kicks, wear the cute maternity shirts, and radiate with excitement over the fact of what's to come.

And last night was tough too. First of all, watching "16 and Pregnant" never helps matters. Second of all,  last week it was only the girls who were as far along as I was (12, 13, 14 weeks) that were difficult for me to come across on fb. But now, that's changing. It's hard for me to see anything from any of my friends that are pregnant. It's not that I'm not happy for them.... God knows I am.... I'm just jealous because I want what they have. I want to be naive to the pain of a miscarriage, as many of them thankfully are, and not have to deal with these struggles.

So last night, I ached for what I had hoped for.

The Ugly:

The reason I finally met Linda this weekend is because her second child, Isaac, who is 17.5 months and just 2 months younger than Liana, was diagnosed with Leukemia last week Thursday.

When I heard that news, it was like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. Especially after hearing about this and this. No mother should have to see her baby sick.... let alone with cancer. No parent should lose their child. And the thought of my friend now going down this path and not knowing what might happen to her child? Terrifying.

So, I've been praying. Fervently. For Isaac. For Jacob. For Linda. For Gabrielle and Laney.

Please, pray with us. For Isaac to be a "rapid responder" to his chemo treatments. For his mommy and daddy to find some comfort and sanity in their days. For the help to continue pouring in. For Isaac's pain and discomfort to be minimal.

Life hasn't been very nice lately. Don't get me wrong.... it's better than the alternative... but I'm having a hard time dealing with all this pain people are having to go through. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.