Thankful.

Wow, 2 posts in 2 days?! I'm on a roll!!

But really, I just came here to say one quick thing....

I am so truly and humbly thankful that Liana is a happy and healthy kid.

I've been slightly freaking out this past week after finding out that a little 5 year old girl, Ava, who's dad has a blog that I follow, died on Labor Day from glioblastoma. For those of you not in the medical field, that's brain cancer, and it's bad news. Very, very bad news. Ava was diagnosed only 10 weeks before her death, which sent me reeling. How can your life go from happy and normal to full of loss and grief in just a few short weeks?

So last week was rough. I just kept thinking to myself, "Lord, please never take this little girl away from me. I couldn't handle it."

We give birth to our babies and dream of all the things we'll experience with them someday... going off to their first day of school, learning how to ride a bike, celebrating their 16th birthday and fearfully handing over the keys to the car, seeing them dress up for prom, graduate from high school, go off to college, get married, and be there when they have their own babies.

I can't imagine not being able to celebrate even one of these things with Liana. How empty that would leave me feeling... the void that a loss like that would leave in my heart for the rest of my life.

Ava didn't get to celebrate any of those things. (Well, she probably learned how to ride her bike.) And neither did her parents. Their only daughter is now gone... they'll never get to walk her down that aisle. I can't even fathom the pain they must feel in knowing that.

And then today, Liana and I were at the park. She was running around, giggling, enjoying everything to the fullest and after a while another young girl, probably around the age of 4 or 5, arrived. And I watched. I watched as her dad chased her all over the place... I watched as she demolished pieces of the playground I didn't think were breakable... I watched as she screamed repeatedly...  I watched as the other parents (including myself) instantly picked up on her behavior and went into protective mode whenever she got near their children because she was so forceful...and quickly, I realized that this wasn't just any little girl. This little girl was autistic.

And again, I was thankful. I think all the parents on that playground were. It put things into perspective for me once again and I said a silent prayer thanking God for a happy, healthy child.

Seriously.... who knew parenthood could be so scary? I never realized how out of control I was in this life I lead until I became a mother.