I can't believe how quickly the time flies. It feels like just yesterday that I was pissing and moaning about pregnancy and how ready I was to be done with it and now here we are. I'm only a few weeks away from returning to work (which I'm less than eager to do) and wondering where all of the time has gone.
Many of you have inquired as to how Lukas is doing these days. Joyfully, I tell you that things are getting better. Somewhere around the 6 week mark we started to notice a change in him and then last week, at the 8 week mark, things got even better. My "always fussy" baby is no longer fussy all the time which makes for a much happier home. Mike is finally breathing again, I'm able to relax a little, and Liana is thriving as a big sister to her little brother.
Life is good!
After all has been said and done, I feel like the root of our problems was simple.... gas. Liana had her own issues with gas as a newborn (every night, like clockwork, she'd scream for an hour while writhing in pain) but Lukas's were far worse. Every time he ate he swallowed lots of air and nothing I tried help. As a result, his belly was constantly upset and with this on top of his reflux, well, things got rough. I thought Mike, my usually-so-patient husband, was going to lose it a few times and wondered if maybe one day he might just decide not to come home from work. Thankfully, that never happened. With Lukas now being a more "normal" baby in terms of his personality and routines, our family can finally enjoy him more. What a welcome relief!!!
At two months, Lukas is definitely starting to show us more of his personality. He does still have his fussy times and I'm reminded daily that he may be more like his mother than any of us hoped he would be. He's stubborn as a mule with a temper you wouldn't believe!! He hates being put into his car seat but once you get him moving, he settles right down. In the car, he'll sleep until you stop so I always pray not to hit any really long red lights. He's incredibly sensitive to movement and likes to be on the go all the time. At two months old and without the ability to handle this himself, that often leaves me exhausted from walking and bouncing with him all.day.long. My gut tells me that in a few months though when he's on the go by himself, I'll still find myself exhausted but in a very different way. :)
Unlike his sister, he doesn't often want his pacifier (aka paci). I'm still not sure whether he'll change his opinion on this but as long as I don't find his thumb in his mouth, I'm okay with it. He's not a snuggly baby but neither was his sister, so I'm not terribly surprised by this. While we're finally starting to see a daytime routine form, his nighttime routine has been pretty regular from the get-go.... "awake time" from 6-9pm, feed, swaddle, sleep. He's usually down around 10pm and will almost always sleep until 3:30 or 4am. While his nighttime feedings used to last about an hour (his daytime feedings still do...), he's mastered this art just this week and they now only last about 15 minutes! Then it's back to bed we go (he's still sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed) and up again around 7/7:30a. Again we feed and he'll fall back asleep. While he takes this morning "nap", I shower and get Liana and I ready for the day.
So far, I'm quite happy with this routine. I feel rested and ready to take on the world which is great because two kids, while twice as nice, is also twice as hard!!!
In the past week, Lukas has started to do some other things too. He's getting better about taking a bottle which is huge because for a while there I was really nervous that he wasn't going to handle it well once I went back to work. We are usually giving him one bottle a day to help with this and its either breast milk or soy formula. For a while I thought he had a milk protein intolerance but as I've been testing the boundaries with this, I'm doubtful he does. So I hope to transition him to milk-based formula soon. (However, I do consider him an almost exclusively-breastfed baby as 90% of his feedings aren't from a bottle.) His smile is becoming more prominent and we see it more and more each day. He can track things from across the room now and clearly responds to certain voices. While it doesn't happen too often yet, his laughter is music to my ears whenever I hear it. And while he likes to be held (outward facing) most of the time, I have noticed this past week that he's doing better about sitting in his bouncer seat for periods of time. His swing, on the other hand, is a different story. He hates it! (Unless he's sleeping.)
Liana loves her little brother and is doing remarkably well with him. Last week, during a particularly difficult and fussy day, my mom came to pick Lukas up to give me some "girl time" with Liana. As Liana watched my mom's car pull out of the driveway, she started crying and saying, "I want my baby back! I want Lukas back!". It was so sweet. She dotes on him by bringing him his paci or a blanket whenever she thinks he needs one. I find her kissing him on the forehead and singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to him when he gets upset. And while she loves her little brother, it's pretty obvious he's smitten by her too.... he loves to watch her run around like the crazy child she is. If she's in the room and he can see her, his eyes are glued to her like white on rice.
Life at home is good. My maternity leave ends January 18th which means I have three weeks left before I have to leave this time in my life behind. While I always thought I couldn't be a stay at home mom, I've quickly realized over the past nine weeks that my heart is here at home. I wish so much that we could afford for me to stay home with the kids full time but the reality is, we can't. With that being said though, I've come to appreciate my job even more because I am so blessed to be in the position that I am, working an average of 20 hours per week, being able to carry our benefits, and doing a job that I love and find meaning in. If I can't be at home with my kids, this is the next best place for me to be. :)
I am incredibly anxious about going back though. When I transitioned out of my weekend position, Liana was 17 months old. She was able to verbalize her needs to my dad, who has been her primary daycare provider. Lukas, obviously, isn't able to do this. For that reason, I worry. For that reason, I wish even more that I could stay home.
Life in the Kadzban household remains chaotic... but thankfully not as much as it was just a few short weeks ago.
So, there's my update for now. Wish me luck as I cope with heading back to work soon and if you feel so inclined, please pray that Lukas only continues to get better and easier to care for so that I don't have to worry so much. <3
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