A retraction.

So, my last entry wasn't all that cheery with regards to the pregnancy and I'd like to submit a retraction.

As I sit here on a Sunday afternoon and watch my belly move like a lava lamp, I know I'm going to miss this. And I know I can do it again should we decide to go for baby #3 someday. (I had to put that into print for Haley-of-the-future to see.)

I'm not sure why weeks 28-32 were so rough, but weeks 32-34.5 have been good. Aside from the inability to sleep comfortably and the swelling, that is. We've been busily preparing our house for our newest family member and getting projects done because I know that realistically, not much else will get accomplished over the next 6 months. The nursery is almost complete (and wow, what a reality check that was). The bathroom is repainted. Other small projects that I've been wanting to get done for months are now finished.

Life is about to get a lot crazier.... half of the time, that excites me beyond belief and brings more joy than I could have imagined. The other half of the time, I'm nervous as hell.

I've been connecting deeply, both physically and emotionally, to this baby over the past two weeks. I feel his movements and wonder what he's doing in there. I can feel him push on me as he stretches and I can't wait to see what this little guy actually looks like. I can't believe that in just a few short weeks, I'll be holding him in my arms and able to find out.

This pregnancy has definitely been different than my pregnancy with Liana. I think that throughout most of it, I was in a significant amount of denial as to the reality of having a new baby. It just always seemed so far away and often unreachable. Now, as we quickly approach his birth, there's no more room for denial.

Ready or not, here he comes. :)

I have moments where the reality of it all hits me so hard that it feels like I've walked into a brick wall. Seeing my facebook friends post pics of their newborn little boys did that to me today and gave me my moment of pause. It gets me really excited.

Liana has been more and more interested in "baby brother" as the time has passed. This morning she walked up to me, pulled up my shirt, and said, "Mama, baby brother going to come out soon? Can I see him?" "Yes, just a while longer Liana. He'll be here in a few weeks." I can sense her excitement, though obviously I'm nervous that she really has no idea what this will do to her life as she knows it. I find a lot of reassurance though in her recent love of all babies..... Babies in the store. "Look Mama, there a baby!" Friends babies. "Go see Graham and babies?" "Go see baby Austin and baby Dylan?" Her nursery is now "baby brother's room" and she knows that when brother comes out of mommy's belly, he'll sleep in "her" crib. She was all about sharing it with him and had no hesitation. :) Deep down, I know that the transition from an only child to one of two will be initially difficult but that after those first few days/weeks, she's going to be amazing.

I just wish she'd sleep through the night again. Oh, how I miss that. ;)

My body still aches at times, particularly when I've overdone it. My bladder feels compressed. I don't feel as huge but I'm sure that's in part due to the kindness of my coworkers who reassure me multiple times each day that I'm "all belly". I'm tired from waking up 3-4 times per night to reposition myself and another 1-2 times to take care of Liana and whatever her needs might be.

But like I said, I'm okay. Maybe I'm just soaking it up because I know that the next 4.5 weeks are going to fly by. Or maybe I finally found my groove again. Either way, I'm okay and feeling okay feels good.

So soon, we'll be a family of four. I'll be holding a baby in my arms again.... the arms that felt so empty almost one year ago when we lost our last baby. I'll be able to put a name to a face (if we ever decide on one!) and face to a name. I can't wait to see what this little boy is like in every way possible.

We're tying down the hatches around the Kadzban household these days because October 27th is going to come quickly.

When it does, I hope we're all as ready as we feel. <3